Fig tart

I made a fig tart. I found some figs for 2.99 a basket at the nugget. I bought two baskets but by the time I got around to making this some of them were moldy :(.

Anyway, it's a shortbread crust with honey-almond pastry cream and figs. Delish!

Gay Marriage = Religious Freedom

Larry Land

Here is a topo of Larry Land, a little sport crag near the Bowman Lake crag in Tahoe National Forest.  Two thumbs down.  What you can't see from this photo is that the bottom half is overhanging, and then it slabs out...Dave went up one of the routes and threw a wobbler cause it sucked/he was lost/it was a waste of time/it was not safely bolted, cleaned the draws (I wasn't inspired to try), and then we walked over to Bowman, where I did 6 laps on .11+s.  

I'm tired of sucking.  Time to try hard again, do extra pitches, and ignore the pain.  Word.

Maybe Roadcut on Monday? Penguin Lust? Transmogrifier?  I want to find a project!

Donner tick list

Ok I'm ready to project again (I think).

Snowshed Wall:

• Puppet on a String
  
• Peter-Panic
  
• The Thing (I don't think I ever actually sent this).
  

Star Wall

• Warp Factor
  
• Bucko
  
• Bronco
  
• .12b on the right arete
  

That should keep me busy for a while.

"Just put your junk in and hit cruise control" Or: Don't stop to help gumbies.

The quote in the title is from someone who was giving a climber beta on how to climb the offwidths on Freerider.  As with any good quote, its utility extends beyond the original context.

So I had a bit of an adventure on Saturday night.  Joe wanted to climb Astroman, and wanted to climb it with me because apparently I'm good support (who'dve thought?). We were going to meet at Curry between 9 and 930, but got a late start.  I think we probably made it to the base around 11, and started climbing around 1130.  No matter, the Enduro-corner is just going into the shade around then, with the rest of the route following.  It was a pretty hot day, so starting late was the way to go.

The climbing went well, we linked 1 and 2, 3 and the enduro-corner, 5 and 6.  Joe crushed the Harding Slot; it was very unexciting.  I even climbed into the slot for the first time.  I used Alex's official sanctioned beta and all of a sudden I was like "huh, I'm in the slot. crazy".  However the slot proved a bit too physical so I took and then sort of climbed the outside.  Whatever.  

The rest of the climb went well, we cruised and Joe onsighted every pitch.  We topped out around 730 probably, maybe earlier, and we were like "wow, what a great day!  I think we might even make it to the pizza deck!  We had some water left over, I knew where the gully to go down was...totally cruiser.

Until we were halfway (or maybe not quite half way? It's difficult to say how far we made it given what happened next).  We came upon a couple in the dark who were hunkered down next to a boulder.  Apparently they'd started up Royal Arches at 6:30am and were now be-nighted on the descent.  They had no headlamps, and it was her first rock climb so she was in full panic mode.  They were going to sleep there because she wouldn't move anymore, but they saw our headlamps and the guy (Jason from Bakersfield- sorry, but I'm going to call out this douche-bag) decided that maybe we could help them get down.  I'm so sure that he was trying to impress her by taking her on a rock climb.  FAIL! Joe mentioned later "I'm going to be so bitter if that guy gets laid".

Um...ok.  It shouldn't be too hard to help them down, we have 2 headlamps, there is a trail and if you can see it, no problem.

Well, the girl (Ellen from Sweden) but-scooted and crab-walked the whole way down, moaning and whimpering the whole time ("I'm so scared, I'm going to die").  It was okay at first. I was emotional support and Joe was finding the trail, Jason was shutting the fuck up, which was appropriate I thought.  I felt pretty good about helping them out, honestly.  They were going to spend a miserable night up there.  It's just that it took for fucking ever.  At one point Jason put in a piece of gear so that Ellen could use it because she wouldn't go any further.  Really, she was largely incapacitated by fear.  I understand where Ellen was coming from. It wasn't her fault - I'd be scared shitless if some loser took me on my first rock climb and fucked it all up.  I love his excuse: some other parties slowed us down.  HA!  Royal Arches is probably the most popular solo in the valley - meaning that there are plenty of opportunities to pass.  He should have just said "I suck" and it would have made more sense.

At one point when we were waiting for them to catch up I turned to Joe and said "My soul is dying right now because we aren't walking on this BOMBER TRAIL."  We are just WAITING!!  Just sitting there waiting for them!  Joe and I kept looking at each other saying "should we leave them? Would we be bad people?  They have my headlamp, we can leave right?" 

And anyone who's ever climbed knows that when you are done, all you want to do is get down, get your shit, eat, drink beer and go to sleep.  To be stalled that much, with a panicked girl and a douche-bag, made my soul hurt.

We eventually left them with a headlamp to follow us at our pace, but we ended up not finding the packs.  I wanted to talus-hop and get to our packs, but Joe didn't want to without two headlamps.  In hindsight I think we should have gone for it, but when you are tired, hungry, cranky and all the rest of it, the thought of wandering around the talus is pretty uninspiring.  

So we went down to the base (somehow we ended up on the horse trail), and looked for the trail back up to Astroman so Joe could go alone and get the packs, but it was hard to find in the dark and we settled on going back to Curry to get Joe's hide-a-key, which may or may not be still attached to his car.  I have to mention here that my cart key was in my pack, and Joe's wallet and car key were locked in my car.  Also locked in my car: food, beer, therma-rest, sleeping bag, wallet, phone, down coat, etc.) 

Some random guy we passed was like "you're just now getting down?" and I said "yeah, BUT WE RESCUED PEOPLE!"  You gotta do what you gotta do to preserve the fragile ego.

I reckon we got back to Curry around midnight, complete with a little river-crossing.  The key was there, but since it was a copy it set off the security system every time the door was opened. At least the alarm would stop after a few honks if you shut the door.  So naturally rangers would come by and we'd have to recount the night to them.  The first ranger asked where we were sleeping tonight.  I thought that maybe I could crash Dan's tent, Joe knew which site he was in.  Joe was going to sleep in his car in curry, and we prayed that he would not get hassled by the rangers as he attempted to sleep.

Still the hero, Joe cooked dinner and gave me his down coat, sleeping pad and sleeping bag.  Getting all that crap out required opening the car door, which prompted another ranger siting. She asked "what's going on here?"  Joe and I looked at each other.  We told the short version, naturally mentioned that we'd rescued people, and I asked "can you please give me a ride to Camp 4?"  She paused a minute "ok."  So I hopped in, forgetting to give Joe his down coat back. 

I have to say we weren't thinking on point.  So I start babbling to this ranger, it's probably 1am by now, and I mention that I know some bear rangers, Justin, etc, that my experience with her is the only good ranger experience I've had, that I got busted for camping out of bounds outside of Justin's house.  She says "oh that was you?" and then "oh, you probably know my boyfriend, Ryan Leahy?"  "YEAH!  That was one of the options I was going through when I was trying to figure out where I was going to stay tonight!!  I don't know him that well, but I was going to knock on his door and say 'can I sleep here tonight?'"  She responds "well what are you going to do instead?"  I say "I was just going to wander around Camp 4 looking at tent tags to try to find Dan's tent and then crawl in and say 'I'm sleeping here tonight'".  She says "oh you can stay at our house, he moved so you would've ended up knocking on someone else's door anyway."

What a lifesaver.  Jen (her name) took me to her house and showed me the guest room (and her guinea pigs, which she generously offered to let me play with).  I even showered!  Woke up around 8:30, took the bus to the cafeteria with all of Joe's sleeping stuff in my arms, wandered in to the caf wild - eyed looking for the SF crew.  Patti, Tim, Mary-Kate, Paul, Lyn, Becky, Ryan Moon and others were there.  I dropped the sleeping shit on the floor and asked "can someone buy me breakfast please?"  Patti gave me 10 bucks, I bought the El Cap breakfast and slandered about what had happened the night before.  

Still the hero, Joe went up in the morning and got our packs, came by the caf and picked me up to take me to my car.  We ended up in the orchard shit-talking around the bear boxes.  James came by, this guy Nick who'd just done Freerider was there, the dirty bird came by.  Beers were drunk, cookies were eaten.  Joe got lunch for being such a gentleman.  Apparently Joe spent a cold night in his car, was dehydrated but didn't want to get out of the car to get water lest he alert the rangers with his security system, and spilled beer all over himself.  However he did NOT get woken up by rangers, and that is a very good thing.  They probably would have ticketed him for out-of-bounds camping, even though we had an epic night, rescued people, and he couldn't have moved his car because the hide-a-key wouldn't start the engine.  

Joe ran into the couple in the morning, and they graciously returned my headlamp (side note: it's Drew's headlamp), and sort of said thank you.  chumps.  We ran into the guy again later and he gave Joe half a box of Teddy Grahams as a thank you.  I think that Joe said it best when he said "that guy is a fuck-ass."

I was telling Alex the story and after I finished he said "so basically Joe got fucked."  I paused..."yeah, he did."

Upon telling James the story, James said "at least you were with Joe and he gave you a sleeping bag and stuff.  I would have been like 'sorry Mandi'".

So this post is dedicated to Joe "The Crusher", aka "hot guy".

athletes will find this interesting

Is being tired all in our heads? or are we really physically tired?  Appropriate for climbers who think they are tired.  Are they really tired? How much more do they have to give?

check out this link from Seed Magazine.

Interesting quote:

 "Such a finding suggests that our brains control performance and endurance more than do the physical limitations of our muscles, heart, and lungs."

I knew I shoulda taken a left turn at Albuquerque

I must have taken a wrong turn in Albuquerque

So yeah...I'm in Albuquerque, NM for a conference.  The Western Division of the American Fisheries Society.  Exciting note: next year's WDAFS is in SALT LAKE CITY!!!  I think another spring climbing trip is in order.

Funny story: I got the Sunport shuttle from the airport to the Hyatt Regency where the conference is, and where I'm staying.  Five people were going to Hotel Albuquerque (their website has music) and I was going to the Hyatt.  I started talking to the guy next to me...older fellow, alone, white, bald, kinda heavy - but not THAT heavy.  Anyway, somehow I mentioned that I was going to a conference, and he said that he TOO was going to a conference.  I'm like "oh yeah? what conference are you going to?"  He's like "overeater's anonymous...it's a business meeting."  I'm like "...oh cool...so I guess you aren't anonymous anymore are you..."  "well I didn't tell you my last name".  Fortunately he was a jovial fellow.

Anyhoo...makes me wonder if I shouldn't ask people what conference they're going to...but how often is it something awkward like that?  I mean come on?!  He didn't seem too embarrassed.

Tonight I went to the student worker's orientation, then a bunch of Oregon State MS students, an MS student from Barcelona who's now in Peter Moyle's lab in Davis and I went to a pretty cool restaurant called the Flying Star.  I had fried feta on a Greek salad.  FRIED FETA!!  It's like fried fat...but on a salad so you can feel healthy.  I love it.

Albuquerque, or at least this little corner of it is kind of interesting.  It's kinda dirty, there are a lot of homeless people, and a lot of Mexican women wearing really really short shorts (all I really saw was cellulite...I'm a little traumatized), and a lot of Mexican dudes wearing cowboy hats, and driving lowered pickup trucks...'cause you know, the way you buy them off the lot...the clearance is just too high...TOTALLY not practical to have a pickup truck with clearance.  I'm still waiting for the day when I see a lowrider stuck on a speedbump.  And I saw spinners for the first time in a while (click on the link to check out the wheel visualizer - what would YOUR car look like with spinners?).  

Part of this cultural experience could be due to the Cinco De Mayo festivities.  When I checked into my room there was BLARING rancheria music in honor of ...the 5th of May.  I guess they were celebrating early so that they could party on the weekend.  Should be pretty interesting when Tuesday rolls around.  Fiesta!!!

As it turns out, Cinco De Mayo commemorates the Battle of Puebla (1862), when a small group of Mexican soldiers  defeated a much larger French army.  I can't think of a better way to celebrate than to show off your cellulite.  

Tomorrow I'm doing some AV stuff to knock $100 off my registration, and then there's some sort of banquet.  Tuesday I just don't know.  I should probably finish my talk that I'm going to give on Wednesday.  Is it bad that the abstract I submitted isn't really what I'm going to end up talking about?  I mean sort of, but I kinda changed it?  Oh well. Maybe no one reads those abstracts.

I think I'm cruxing

So I think I might be cruxing a little bit.  I haven't been sleeping very well lately, my stomach is in knots.  I know why, but I don't want to write about it on the interwebs.  

You'd think that after almost 30 years of thinking and interacting with people and learning about myself I could make good decisions regarding other people.  But as it turns out, I can't.  I have crappy taste in men.  It's time to face it.  Ok, I'm facing it...facing it...ok faced.  Now can I feel better?

No?

FUUUUCCCKKKKK!!!  

GOD.

One of the things that keeps me from spiraling into a permanent abysmal depression is being excited about stuff.  Being excited about people, doing things, climbing trips.  Sadly, I rarely get excited about work.  Work is just the wallpaper that makes the exciting things stand out.

I'm not excited about anybody or anything right now.  Hence, bummed.  I feel like all I need to put some shit behind me is something new.  Where is it?

Leary interpersonal behavior circle

I like this

from an article in Discover Magazine by Jared Diamond:

Commitment is incessantly urged upon us fin de siècle twentieth- century Americans. Commitment to our spouses, our children, and our careers is held to be virtuous; lack of commitment is a common criticism. Yet commitment should be seen as morally neutral. After all, what one is committed to might be either good or bad; commitment to a destructive relationship, an unsatisfying job, or alcoholism deserves no praise. Often, commitment can mean nothing more than an involvement that has outlived its original justification. All of us have at one time or another felt trapped by such a commitment, longing for a happier, though uncertain, state of existence but fearing the short-term pain required to reach it.Commitment is a big issue not only for us as individuals, but for us as a culture as well. All human societies have many apparently arbitrary practices that persist for centuries or even millennia--writing systems, counting systems, sets of number signs, and calendars, to name just a few examples. At one time there existed alternatives to the system that we eventually adopted. Were some of these alternatives better than others? Did we in fact end up committed to the best ones? Are our alphabets, decimal counting, Arabic numerals, and Gregorian calendar really superior to Chinese logograms, Babylonian base-60 counting, Roman numerals, and the Mayan calendar?

professional development

Haven't felt much like writing since I got back from Indian Creek.  I have a to-do list that's longer than I can ever remember it being, but mostly with little things that need to be done, like getting my car serviced, fixing my camera, etc. Stuff like that.

I hadn't climbed outside either since IC, and had only climbed in the gym 2x.  I got back after a 4 week absence and there were only, I think, 4 new lead routes at Pipeworks.  Demoralizing and depressing.  I really do enjoy climbing in the gym, but the enjoyment is dependent on the number of new routes to try.  I'm not much of a gym projecter...1-3 times max is the limit of my attention span.  So I've been riding my bike, doing spin classes and pilates classes.

Last weekend I went to SF for a day to check out the Cherry Blossom Festival parade.  We biked from the Mission to Japantown and back, and everything went fine up until we were headed to Dolores Park to drink beer in the afternoon.  My front tire got stuck in the transit rails and I went down pretty hard.  Mostly just a few bruises and a couple of scrapes, but I must have whacked my ankle, sprained it or something like that on the way down.  I could barely walk on Monday, so I went in and had an x-ray.  Fortunately, nothing is broken, so naturally I didn't rest it but a day or two.  It kinda still hurts.

This past weekend I went to the Valley to meet up with Joe to do some routes.  It was kind of epic finding a partner, so I was psyched to get in touch with the crusher.  We went to the cookie saturday, TRed Outer Limits to start, and then Joe tried the Cookie Monster to the top...I guess the 13C section is all chossy, dirty, and glued together.  He figured it out on his 2nd go, but painful tips made him less psyched to try to redpoint.  I tried Cookie Monster 2x.  There are two big moves on it.  I fell there both times.  Blah.  I should try to get a little more sport fitness, but I kind of just don't care.  Then Joe ran a lap on Crack a Go Go with his Freerider soulmate, Nick from SLC. Then a TR lap on Red Zinger, which I was hoping to do clean.  I made it thru the tips section and fell in the .5 offset splitter section.  I figured out a way to get around that section with a face foothold and a big move into the pod...hopefully I can remember what the hell I did.  

So beer and pizza and Joe convinced me to do Free Blast Sunday.  Joe wanted to do the friction slabs and make sure they were wired so that he could feel better about Freerider.  I wasn't terribly excited about it...I don't think that Free Blast is a super classic amazing and delightfully enjoyable route, but whatever.  In the end I decided to just pull on gear to do it quickly and support Joe, which actually made it significantly more enjoyable. Sadly, Joe whipped on the first slab pitch and threw an amazingly impressive wobbler, after which I had to make fun of him.  He took it well, but was rightly demoralized.  Guy can crush 5.13 crack onsight, but can't do an .11- valley friction slab.  I empathize, but it is kinda amusing.

Fernando and this other dude were behind us, which was kind of cool. I hadn't seen Fernando in a while, and he's always pretty psyched.  At the base they were talking about doing the Salathe in a push...but they were moving pretty slowly.  Joe and I were definitely moving more quickly.  We said they could pass, but they never really caught up.  Oh well...it was cool to chat with Fernando at a couple of the belays.

So yeah, I don't really like the Free blast that much.  Perhaps if I could waltz up a friction slab, I might enjoy it a bit more.  But it's always fucking windy, it's typically a cluster fuck with other parties, 200 feet of friction slab wears me down mentally, and my feet are always killing me by the end.  I think I prefer rock climbs with holds on them, or if there is going to be a friction slab, maybe something easier and single pitch, or better yet a v0 slab boulder problem.  Mind you, a DO-ABLE v0 boulder problem and not a sandbagged one.

Oh yeah - and the half dollar pitch really sucks.  That pitch is so lame.  I freed it following with a pack on and a shit load of gear, which I guess was productive.  But it still sucks, and I was NOT in my happy place when I was in that goddammed chimney.

In addition, words of advice: if you book a site in the pines and don't show up the first night, call or they will sell your site for the second night, despite taking your money.  Fortunately this nice group of RVers let me pull into their site and sleep in my car.  So in the end it worked out.  I just felt bad because I told Lyn and company that they could crash in my site.  oops.

Today I'm pretty sore, despite feeling good after we got down.  I think that if I'm really dehydrated throughout a day of climbing I end up a lot more sore than I would be if I had been drinking a lot of water.

And now I'm in my cubicle, fantasizing about gym climbing and other such low-commitment endeavors.  I think I might be over trad climbing for a little while.  It kinda hurts.  

I'm working on my "professional development", something my advisor informed me I need to do.  This coming Sunday I'm flying to Albuquerque for a conference (Western Division of the American Fisheries Society) for which I earned a travel grant of $600.  I'm going to be presenting some trout work, so it's gotten my ass in gear to write this manuscript as well.  It's definitely coming along, which makes me happy.

Frustration

I'm starting to get very frustrated at the difficulty in finding partners to go to Yosemite.  After a dream trip to Indian Creek where finding partners is never a problem, it sucks.

What the hell?  Why is it that hard?  When people go to Yosemite, unless they are bouldering, they usually have a plan.  People want to get shit done.  This is why sport climbing and climbing at Indian Creek are so amazing.  There is something for everyone at every wall.  

I would boulder, except that I sprained my ankle in a bike accident and don't want to land on pads.  I think routes would be ok.

And continuing on my rant: It's freakin' impossible to find people to train on routes with at Pipeworks.  Even if I could find someone, they haven't set any new routes in over a month.  I was gone for 4 weeks, came back to the gym and there were only 3-4 new lead routes.  And they're by Peter, who typically sets crap.  It's frustrating being back.

9 things rock climbing has taught me about life

This video is completely amazing.  Thanks Townsend for finding it!

I'm a complainer

I drove into Moab today because it was raining.  Upon arrival, naturally the rain stopped and the sun came out.  So I was thinking that everyone I'm camped with was probably climbing, and that I should have stayed to climb as well.

But honestly I don't really want to.  My hands hurt SO badly.  The thought of putting them in a crack makes me want to cry.  

The time when I need to be back in Davis is approaching.  Maybe this is part of my lack of motivation.  That combined with the pain of crack climbing.  

However I don't really want to go home.  The only people who I'd consider my friends in Davis, or in the Bay Area for that matter, are people who probably would never contact me if I didn't make an effort.  And I'm starting to get a little bitter about it.  I'm tired of being peoples' fucking charity case, or at least feeling like it.  Everyone has their own glorious lives.

I guess the weather and the inevitable return to "real life" has gotten me down.  And by being down, I don't feel like doing what I came here to do, which is climb.  

Is this what happens when we get older?  We just sort through all the crap and and put things into little piles of differing priorities?  I miss genuine people and people who aren't so fucking distracted all the time.  But we get older and we get/or get out of relationships, have obligations and need to make money in order to survive and have money to eat and live and maybe some extra in case we get sick or something fucked up happens, but we also need to be happy, and enjoy the moment and value our friends and respect our elders (even if they don't deserve it) and take care of ourselves and get enough sleep, but not so much that we miss out on what's going on and we can't be too straight edge, because then we're not "letting go" and getting outside of our "comfort zone" - but not too much! - everything in moderation.  Not to mention we have to be environmentally conscious, not drive too much, especially don't drive and SUV, be politically conscious, but not just about the US - be politically conscious about events around the world, eat right and turn off the lights when we aren't in the room.  It's a lot to take on.

So I suppose I can understand why I have to be the one to initiate hanging out.  Or maybe I just suck.

Way Rambo Part III

Only one climbing day since my last post.  

We went to Way Rambo yesterday, and I warmed up on the Cockometer, which I'd never done.  Then I TRed Slice and Dice Clean, tried to redpoint but slipped while pulling the roof.  Walked over to the right side and onsighted The Inhabitants, and thin hands changing corner crack.  After that I TRed The Hostess, which btw, is a RAD route!!!

I think I'm starting to be influenced by Tom's choice in routes: pick the ones that vary.  Splitters and corners get boring.  I do love the splitters and corners, but some of the varied routes are so WILD!!  The Hostess has a block start to a corner, then you traverse under a roof to another corner (this is the crux), and then you go up a varied corner to a short offwidth  section.  It's safe and fun and super cool.  I think it's safe to say, however, that I'm done with Way Rambo for a while.

I just got this in my inbox today.  When I first started going into the infusion center in Davis, I met Melanie.  She was upbeat and friendly, and I had plans to stay in touch with her, but I really never did.  In fact when I was in there getting my infusions, I kind of hoped that she wouldn't show up, because she was always talking about these crazy treatments, and it was just so hard.  Anyway, I feel horrible about not putting more effort into the friendship.  I'm sitting here in the coffee shop with tears streaming down my face like an idiot.

Hi Mandi,

   I hope that you don't think this is weird.  I don't know you but Melanie would speak of you and the struggles that you both were enduring.  I thought that you should know and maybe you do already, that Melanie passed away on February 21st.  She was such a fighter.  The cancer had spread to her brain in December.  She had radiation for 2 weeks and had to be off chemo for that time.  After completing radiation, she had a scan that showed her lung tumors had grown larger, with one measuring 9 cm.  Melanie went back on chemo but it had little effect.  She began to have pain in her lower back from the cancer in her spine which we couldn't control very well with pills.  Her doctor decided that we needed to just keep her comfortable and took her off chemo.  She was put on a morphine drip in early February which gave her the ability to somewhat control the pain.  Over a period of a couple of weeks we had to keep increasing the dose to keep her comfortable.  At 6:35 am on Saturday morning she took her final breath on this earth. 

   We had a beautiful Memorial service for Melanie on Saturday, March 7th.   The kids are doing as well as can be expected.  I will miss her.  She was my best friend.

   Thank you for your friendship and support.

Take care of yourself,

Kevin Gibbs

Quick update

I'm in the Love Muffin Cafe again after 3 days on.  We finally had splitter weather until today (it's windy as hell outside right now), so I felt obligated to take advantage, and now I'm suffering for it.

Anyway, on Sunday, I left Moab and drove back to the creek to climb at Way Rambo Wall in the afternoon.  There was still a ton of snow, so I was skeptical that it would be good.  Fortunately, it was perfect in the sun.  I did a toprope lape on the 5.9, the 5.10 to the right of it called "Fuzz" and Way Rambo (which I sent on TR - yay!).  Then I tried Slice and Dice, fell early, and then had a hard time getting psyched to try hard for the rest of it.  By then it was getting dark, so I ran a quick TR lap on it while I was still pumped, got worked, and then belayed Seth on Way Rambo.  As there were no sends, I hope that we go back up there before I go back to CA.  I'd also like do to this thin hands crack called "The Inhabitants" that I remember toproping 3 years ago.  I recall it being difficult.

Monday we went to Second Meat Wall, and I led Cube Steaks, which is a cool .10+.  After that I tried T-Bones Tonight (see previous post for a photo), fell low, and then hung in the roof.  I tried it again, made it through the bottom, and took the winger out of the roof after a desperate and valiant fight.  By now it's become clear to me that I was much much fitter last year!  I guess that given the health issues I had in my past year, it's not too unexpected.  After that I ran a toprope lap on Top Sirloin, a corner thin hands splitter that I'd done last year.

Tuesday I was feeling pretty rough when I woke up.  In fact, I woke up in the middle of the night groping desperately and blindly for aleve, neosporin, and band-aids.  I felt a little better in the morning.  We decided on Scarface wall, and I decided that I was going to love the toprope.  I toproped an unnamed 5.11 thin hands crack to the left of Big Guy, then I toproped Steel Pulse, an .11+ that is super hard!  there's an awkward start to an offset .5 splitter over a roof.  As soon as I saw Tom put in .5s in that section, I knew that I was going to bring cams to aid that shit if need be.  The rest of it was greens and reds through a small roof and a flare, and that was fun.  Seth and Steve had put a toprope on Torque Wrench by that time, and I was convinced to toprope it.  I think that Torque Wrench is my favorite route in the creek now.  It's 150 feet long!  It starts in a varied lieback up a face/arete, and then you get into a rad chimney, and then you're climbing on the right side of this huge fin that's wedged into the rock.  You jam the steep right side of the fin, stem your left foot waaay out, and desperately get higher until you can reach a jug on top of the fin and pull yourself up on to it so that you can squeeze it with your thighs, and subsequently hump it to get on top.  Then it's a lot more of a corner crack that varies and has lots of holds and feet.  Epic.  Oh and then I tried some .10+ crack which I whipped on the bottom of called Dirt Cheap.  Fitting, because that's how I felt by pitch for on day 3 on.  I'm seriously wrecked.

Today I rest.  I'm hoping that I'm not coming down with a cold, because that would suck.  I also hope that the heinous winds that came up today stop, and I hope that it doesn't rain on Saturday, which the forecast says it's supposed to do.  At the moment, I want to do as many new routes as possible.  I dream of sandstone.

Right now I'm looking out of the window at clouds of dust blowing by, and it's not making me psyched to get back to the creek.

Flint's photos

I stole these photos from Flint's page: 

Kasey and her prized Valley Giant cam.

Jeremy on T-Bones tonight...I fell when my foot was where his hand is going...one day I will crush the big hands roofs!

me on Slice and Dice. no send. I was much fitter last year.

Again displaying my man-arms.

Erika on the big hands roof: 4x4

Trout, Joe, and Joe's dog Boone.

More snow.

Once again I am stranded in town, except this time the weather is a bit more epic.  We knew that a storm was coming in, but I wasn't expecting this much snow:

  Check out the North 6-shooter!

Grim.  Super grim.

I woke up, got pissed at the weather, and drove into town.  At 7:30am I was the second person to drive from the creek back to 191, and the road was covered in a couple inches of snow.  Even on 191 there was a ton of snow.  The driving conditions were treacherous for this Central Valley girl.  The road didn't get clear until a few miles outside of Moab, and even then it was still bad.  

I rested yesterday, knowing that I have only a week left.  My hands are super fucked up:

 my toes hurt, and if I'm going to spend another week here, I'd like to actually send something. 

On Thursday I went to the Fin with the midwesterners and Seth, Evelyn and Tom.  I started out on Fin-tastic, which had a sketchy reachy move off the deck, and then tried to do Hot Fun Sunday.  My notes from last year on that climb say "got schooled on lead".  It's comforting to know that not much has changed I guess.  I got schooled on lead, then I TRed it and fell, and then sent it on TR the third time.  That thing is kind of a sandbag I think.  Not only is the crux thin and somewhat powerful, but it widens out to tight #4 camalots at the top.  This gave me the opportunity to practice my armbar/elevator door combo that I pioneered on King Cat.  It worked well!  I'd be pretty psyched if I went back and sent that thing.  

So that was 4 pitches.  

Then Seth and I went over to the Virgin Voyage, a 5.10++ finger crack.  I made it almost to the end and fell.  On a 5.10!!  Then again, it was a ++ according to the pitch.  I TRed it clean after that, kicking myself for falling.  Honestly though, I climbed for quite a distance on small gear, and that was the goal.  The climbing is never the biggest challenge for me here.  It's the leading. 

So that was 6 pitches.

Then Evelyn put up The Felcher, which has a super cool bouldery start and goes into a shallow thin-hands corner with feet!  That was a cool climb, and I was psyched to toprope it.  Seth OSed Skid Row, which is a .5 corner that goes out a roof.  It looked cool, but I was toast.

A 7 pitch day!  Not too bad for IC.

Ken and the midwestern boys, plus the Boulder crew that rolled in for a few days bailed that night in attempt to avoid the incoming storm.  It was a huge bummer saying goodbye to the tent...I mean Ken.  Yesterday Seth and I drove out to the Needles Overlook and the Anticline overlook to get some good views of Indian Creek, Hart's Draw, the Six Shooters, Moab Valley and the Colorado river.  Plus the ultramarine-blue potash mines.  

After going back to the Creek pasture, Jeremy, Morgan and Elaine showed up and broke out the Maker's Mark whiskey, and cooked sausage in their rental SUV.  The weather had already turned to shit, but they got some good climbing in at Donnelly Canyon.  Today I am here, and hopefully tomorrow will be climbable by the time the afternoon rolls around.  Otherwise, it woudn't hurt to take 3 rest days, honestly.  I think I'll get a hotel room tonight, and savor sleeping in a real bed, with a real toilet nearby.

Also, here are some photos of me on a climb called Run Like Hell at The Wall.  I'm hoping to get more photos of me climbing, but since my camera is down, I'm depending on other folks to email me photos...and you know how that goes.  I stole these from Maki's FB page.

And now for my wish list for the last week here:

Second Meat:

Sesh One Cooking

Cube Steaks

T Bones tonight

Broken Tooth:

Polygrip

Heat Searcher

Broken Tooth (please someone put a TR on this for me?!)

Way Rambo:

Slice and Dice

4x4 (only if we get a hot day!)

4x4

I'm not sure if I'll get to go to all of these places, and even if I do, if I'll be able to do all of these climbs...but it never hurts to wish.

The weather is bad

The last time I wrote I wasn't so sure that it would be climbable on Monday.  As it turns out, it wasn't, but we climbed anyway.  I woke up to this:

 

and this:

(* miraculously, my camera still takes pictures even though the LCD screen is broken.  Now it is a true point and shoot)

Around 2pm I went up to Supercrack with Ken, Blake and Greg (the guys from the midwest/Kentucky), and fired Coyne Crack in windy, cloudy, sub-40 degree weather (freezing with windchill?).  I came down with the worst brain freeze of my life.  It felt like I'd shoved ice cubes up my sinuses and down into my lungs.  It was so FUCKING cold.  I ran down to Blake's Sportsmobile (Blake is a quintessential redneck intellegentsia, and if you have never heard that moniker, I'm making it up - so now you have), fired up the JetBoil, and downed a bunch of hot soup.  COLD.

Tuesday was another slow day, but we made it up to Cat Wall before noon.  I got pretty psyched and jumped right on King Cat.  I made it through the wide section with a left fist/right chicken-wing armbar/left kneebar shuffle, but the I fucked up while I was racking up and didn't have the right gear for the layback section.  It wouldn't have mattered anyway, because I can't do the roof.  I cannot find the mythical "bomber fists" that Shannon told me about.  Damn.  Pulling the roof is NOTHING compared to trying to jam it.  Oh well.  Maybe I'll get psyched again some other day.  Then I aided up Cat Burglar to put a toprope on it.  I even sucked on toprope.  Splitter yellow aliens and I just couldn't get good fingers.  Maybe I need green aliens?  I was fine when there were feet, but as soon as the feet dropped away I was hopeless.  On the bright side, I got to do a new route at the Cat Wall, a 5.10+ climb called Kitty Litter that was pretty fun.  Today I'm resting, because the weather sucks AGAIN.  Tomorrow is supposed to be gorgeous with Friday and Saturday turning to shit again.  I hope that we can make it good.

Oh yeah - and I bought another set of cams... .3 through 3.  Hell yeah!

in town. must post.

So the last day that I blogged was Thursday, and it was dumping snow in Moab.  Friday was sunny, but bitterly cold.  Drew was having Eurovan problems, so he took my rig in to town to figure out what was wrong (as it turns out, the car won't start if the passenger seat is swiveled around).

So Joe "the Crusher" and I lazed around camp til the afternoon, and then drove out to the ruins in beef basin across from Way Rambo and went for a little hike.  The ruins are super cool!  There's a 3 story structure, for very very tiny people.  Or for storage.  

Saturday Drew spent the morning with Joe and me warming up at Battle of the Bulge.  Drew led the warmup, and then Our Piece of Real Estate, and then I led Battle of the Bulge, which is thin hands for me, so not too bad.

Drew bailed so he could ride his bike, and Joe and I went out to Tricks are For Kids.  I was fairly optimistic, since Alex said that it was wide green camalots, which I can jam.  Joe onsighted, because, well, he's the crusher.  It's fairly boring watching him climb.  Very similar to Alex.  It would be fun to see him on something difficult.  But that may have to wait, since he bailed back to Colorado today.  

I attempted to toprope Tricks, but it was HARD!  I felt like I needed to find a system.  High ring locks and thin hands in my face with a bit of a shuffle, aiming for pods where I might be able to get a rest.  I may have been climbing too much thin hands, because my toes are super fucked up.  I have to think that the pain factor may have been holding me back.  I got half way up (which is a full pitch in and of itself), looked up, and shouted down to Joe "I think I have a pretty good idea for what the rest of the climb is like...I think I can come down now".  And that was that.

We'd talked about doing the North Six Shooter today, but it's so freakin' windy that Joe bailed, so I went to Creek pasture to look for Ken from Ohio, who came out with Blake from Kentucky.  They wanted to go up to Optimator Wall, and flail around...which didn't excite me too much.  So I think I'll hang in town, do some laundry, buy some veggies, and charge up my sonicare toothbrush.  It's going to be a good day, and the weather is supposed to be milder tomorrow.  Yeah!

the weather in your favorite climbing area

check this website out:

climbingweather.com

you're welcome!

Indian Creek update

Lot's of stuff to write about - 

OK: On Friday Jeremy, Flint and I went to Way Rambo.   I put 2 burns on Slice and Dice, one on toprope and one on lead.  No sends.  To warm up I almost sent Way Rambo on TR, which isn't so bad for a warmup burn.  Jeremy sent Slice And Dice, which was pretty cool.  After Way Rambo, we drove over the to Optimator Wall, where I belayed Jeremy on Annunaki, toproped it, and then led Soul Fire, a climb that would be really awesome if it weren't for the pillar next to it that you can almost always bail onto.  Which I did.

The next day, B-Rad and Katie from SLC came down, and we met them up at Second Meat Wall.I toproped everthing except the last route of the day.  Both Flint and Jeremy sent T-bones, and I TRed it clean.  Did Tube Steaks tomorrow and At Your Cervix to warmup, and then got on Family Home Night, a solid 12 climb with lots of purple and green camalots.  Naturally, I got worked on the purple section, though I think I figured out some sort of finger-stacking shuffle to make my way up the splitter.

After that I led Sesh One Cooking, and was fairly disappointed to whip in the green camalot section.  I'll blame it on being tired.  Blah.

Took two rest days, which was spectacular!  I even got a hotel room.  Hey, I got a job, I don't have to always live in the dirt right?

Drew showed up Monday night, and we climbed with this crusher named Joe at the Cat Wall because the weather went from sweltering to freezing.  I warmed up on some unnamed 5.10, which is super fun, and then led King Cat, got worked, and then toproped it, and STILL got worked!  I think that the "crux" move of pulling over the roof is easier than the roof itself, which is heinous cupped hands.  Plus this section in the middle that I worked out some arm-bar/fist action in.  It's HARD!!  Shannon - you are a BEAST!!  After that, I watched Joe flash Burl Dog, super proud, and then TRed Kool Kat, and then we went over to do Wild Cat, which was awesome!  Except I ended up aiding through the .5 splitter section.  It was pitch 6 and I just didn't have the energy to try hard.

Wednesday we went to The Wall, a place where I had never been before.  There are only 6 routes described in the guidebook, but the place is stacked.  Drew and I warmed up on a 5.10 called "The Trial", and then Drew TRed a 5.10 thing called something-or-other-Pink-Floyd-themed, and then I flashed Pigs on the Wing, and stellar thin hands crack.  STELLAR!  It's my favorite pitch in IC so far.  Joe impressed us all by onsighting Learning to Fly, a splitter overhanging yellow alien finger crack, and then I went back and led the something-or-other-Pink-Floyd-themed route to end the day.

Today we are resting, which is good because the Creek is covered in snow.  The weather is supposed to clear, but I suspect that it will still be cold.  That's ok - there are a lot of routes to do that are often too hot to climb on this time of year.  

Not sure what we are going to do tomorrow, but we will be chasing the sun for sure.

Photos to come.

Oh yeah, for some reason I keep running over shit with my car.  Last week I ran over a pot of leftovers and my completely-full aquatainer.  yesterday I ran over another gallon of water and my pack.  I thought everything was ok, but apparently the LCD screen on my camera is broken.  FUCK.  I think it can still take pictures though, so maybe when I get back to Davis I can get the screen fixed if Circuit City hasn't gone out of business yet.  DRAT!

Back in the Creek

Sorry - no photos yet.  I've either been climbing or belaying, or watching people toprope. None of those situations lend themselves to terrific photos.

I got to Moab Sunday night to find that Jeremy, my partner, wasn't expecting me until Wednesday, so he was resting on Monday.  Damn.  So I bivvied in Jeremy's latest conquest's driveway in Moab, and then we drove to the creek.  

I decided to rest on Monday - just try to get my wits about me, shrug off the "go go go" of driving for 14 hours and get my shit organized for the next few weeks.  We're staying at the superbowl.  I doubted Jeremy when he said that they have a nice site, but it's pretty sweet.  All the way in the back, with a large berm separating us from everyone else in front, and a bunch of tamarisk in the back.  Lots of places for a girl to pee (this is important in a campsite).

Tuesday we went to Fin, and it was brutally hot.  Did my first climb of the trip: "No beggin'", a mellow 5.9, and then toproped Nagasaki, which was kinda hard, and then that 5.11 thing that is mostly purple and green cams that Shannon brutalized her hands on last year.  I was psyched that I didn't fuck it up and fall this year (which would have bummed me out, cause I TR-flashed last year).  Then I decided to sac-up and lead Double Trouble, a 120 foot .11- that starts with liebacking yellow alien size.  I get pretty gripped on liebacking, especially if it's fingers, and ESPECIALLY if it's right off the deck.  So I pulled through and made my way through most of the climb just fine until I got to the top, and lo and behold, it's not a hand crack anymore...it's fingers...or some weird squeeze...or some combination of the two.  About 15 minutes of meltdown later, I had a toprope on it so that we could all climb it, and I could climb it again and realize how silly I am for being scared.  Which I did...somewhat easily...Oh well.  Guess it will take some time to get my lead head back.

Wednesday we went to 4x4 wall, warmed up on some .10 fingers lieback thing that was pretty short, and then went over to look at the Wall's namesake: 4x4.  A looooong flare/corner with a short section of 2s, a loooong section of 3s, and a horizontal roof with a tight 4 crack in the corner.  I "let" Jeremy lead, and decided to toprope, not knowing what to expect.  It actually reminded me a lot of the pitches on Astroman before the Harding Slot, cause you can kneebar most of it.  The hands were certainly wide, and I spent most of the time cupping, and then moved on to bomber fists!!!!  I got to fist jam!  Even more exciting, I did the undercut/overcut fist jamming thing through the roof!  I fell out trying to get over the lip, but then lowered and figured out how to do it.  I'd like to go back and lead it...that size isn't the easiest for me, and it's a rad climb.

Following 4x4, I belayed Jeremy while he got worked on Hydraulic Pump: a Steve Hong route that starts at .5, changes corners and moves into .75 liebacking (though I do a finger stack with my right hand and a tight jam with my left and shuffle up).  The top is, as this dude Trout says "kind of fucked up" because you go through the hard-ass .75 section back into .5 splitter, which pinches down to .4, and then there's another changing corner, after which you have to get into this pod with flaring hand jams/fingers in the back...then you get to clip the anchors.  Full value 12+ for any hand size - there ain't no rests in any of the 80 feet.  It's rad.  I'd like to go back and try it again on TR and see if it would be fun to try and send.  One way of training for it would be to run up hills every single day for 2 wks.  Yeah...that might do it.

Today was a boring rest day.  It's becoming overcast, so hopefully the temperatures will cool off.  We were talking about going to Second Meat Wall - I'd like to finish up T Bones Tonight (I fell in the roof at the very end on the flash attempt), and maybe do Cube Steaks and Sesh One Cooking.  Or maybe go to Way Rambo/Optimator, to chase the shade?  Not sure. We're in a big disorganized group so I hope that the group dynamics don't fuck with my climbing time.

I'd like to get to the point where I'm running it out a bit more and taking falls again.  I'm not there yet, but Jeremy says that he's not putting up any more topropes.  But I think that a few tears might change his mind...if it comes to that...which it shouldn't.

Brad and Katie from SLC are coming in to the Creek Friday evening, so I'll climb with them on Saturday and Sunday, wherever they'd like to go. I've never met Katie, but B-Rad is cool, so I'm sure that his wife is awesome.  So 3 days on.  And then Drew is coming on Monday (hopefully he doesn't want to climb on Monday!).

I'm thinking about buying another set of cams, .3 to #3 size...I totally can't afford it...but I like to have tons of gear!  At the moment I have doubles, and then trips and quads of some finger sizes.  

Any more route suggestions?

Another reason to avoid pro rock climbers

check this out.

Evolution - Futurama

Still in my skin

This past week, coincidentally with the end of the rain, I've become very very anxious.  I was sick the week before, doing nothing active for 7 (!) days.  Now it's sunny, I'm heading to Indian Creek in 10 (!) days, and I'm ready to get out of town.  Unfortunately I have a neurologist appointment the 17th, and a talk to give at the Threatened Trout Meeting on the 18th.  So I'm sentenced to Davis until then.

I'm at the point right now where I'm so jumpy that if I don't work out one day, I feel like a worthless turd...because I have too much energy.  It seems best to keep my body tired, in hopes that it will quiet my mind.  To this end, I've been doing spin followed by pilates 2x a week, and climbing at Pipeworks 3x a week.  I'm sore.  I'm so sore from spin/pilates yesterday that I had a dream that I was in a car crash that gave me whiplash.  But Goddammit it feels good (when I'm awake) and I'm tired of feeling fat.

Work is going...the chapter of the fishes of the Tuolumne River has taken shape, now I have to find some sort of point to it, and weave that throughout the 20 pages of text.  Unfortunately this book as meant that I have done next to nothing on my trout manuscript.  Hopefully the fact that I'll present on this project on the 18th, and then again in May will make me get my shit together.

More correspondence between PhD students.

Mandi to Alan

http://www.prospect-magazine.co.uk/article_details.php?id=10638

thoughts?

Alan to Mandi

Read it last week sucka. This is the sort of philosophy i do. It's hot
and sexy right now.

The Simpsons - Homer Evolution

did I post this already?

epic

So after a loooong time of feeling pretty good, which I'm grateful for, I'm having a little bit of a health epic.

After knocking my immune system down by trying to process more alcohol than my liver could handle, and then working out like a madwoman cause I was feeling good again, I got KO'ed by a common cold.  Unbelievable.  I felt it coming on Sunday, and figured that if I rested I could dodge it.  So much for that.  Now it's Thursday night and I'm still down for the count.  Which is a real disappointment, because I haven't had a productive week at work in quite some time, and I wanted to go to Bishop to hang out with some friend this weekend.

Ok, so I probably shouldn't go to Bishop...no big deal.  What's more concerning is that my hand is stiff and going numb again.  Should I go back on the steroids?  This is the first month that I haven't gone into the infusion center for an afternoon to get a dose of Solu-medrol.  Is that why my hand is stiff?  Or is it because, like my neurologist said, sometimes viruses can cause symptoms to flare up?  Or is it something else?  The fact that I was working out too much after not eating for a week?  I ate enough, right?  Will the steroids help if I go back on them?  Should I do 5 days in a row, or would one help?  Or should I try IVIG again?  Is it because I've been a little bit of a slacker with my interferon injections, skipping days here and there?  Is it going to get worse?  Am I going to lose function in my hand again?  Is resting and not going to Bishop helping, or if it's not going to make a difference, shouldn't I just say "fuck it" and do whatever I want?  Or maybe I've developed antibodies to the interferon...that happens in a certain percentage of users.  Ha! I'm a user.  I have boxes of used needles around the house.

At this point, I've rested for 5 (!) days...no biking, climbing, pilates, barely ANYTHING.  Normally I'd be stir crazy, but mostly I'm just tired and worried.  It's not a bad thing to have to stay here for the weekend...for the past few I've stuck around anyway.  I'm a little worried about getting depressed again though.  Because it's fucking depressing.

Right now I'm just waiting to see how I feel over the next few days.

If I stay in town, I KNOW I'll go to the gyms and try to bike...and it's difficult to hold back.

By the way, we should bug Shannon to blog about how she thought her mom was trying to poison her with Comet when Shannon was a little girl.

Tick Lists

I think I might be getting sick.  Lately I've been saying "I don't get sick", but maybe in fact, I do.  I'm a bit tired, my throat has that weird feeling, my skin is sensitive, and what is a bit more concerning: my right hand and right leg are feeling "weird" again.  This is the first month in 6 months that I have not gone to the infusion center.  I have a neuro appointment mid-March, so we can look at my brain and see how things are.  I wonder how much of the steroid infusion is "placebo" effect.  Plus I've been bad about my injections lately.  They suck.

So, long story short, I'm sitting here on the couch today instead of going to one of the bay area gyms to work out.  Beth and Justin are on their way to the new El Cerrito gym without me.  Lyn accosted me because "you said you wanted to boulder!!!".  But I must politely decline, and sit on the couch and watch a marathon of "No Reservations" on the Travel Channel.  Believe it or not, the day is still going by pretty quickly.  Already 3pm?!

Which gets me thinking about some upcoming trips, most notably INDIAN CREEK!!  I have a talk to give on March 18, and after that I'm bailing to the desert, and I CAN'T WAIT!!!  There is something about that place that makes my blood run a little hotter and a little faster.  It's sexy, gorgeous, tantalizing...in short, splitter.  SPLITTER!  

So here is a short list of the routes I'd like to climb in the Creek this spring

Any .10s that aren't splitter #3 size.

A bunch of .11s...

King Cat

Alley Cat (and not get gripped on the 10ft wide section 33 meters off the deck after all of the "hard" stuff)

Wild Cat

9 Lives

Poly grip, Dos Hermanos, Coyne Crack, Fingers in a Lightsocket

soul fire, sesh one cooking

heat searcher

some .12s

Swedin-Ringle

Slice and Dice (I TR-flashed this one and went back to redpoint, but fell at the top...didn't have to soul to try it again that day, or the time to go back before I left!!)

Digital Readout

Cat Burglar

broken tooth (though I'm turned off by the mandatory fist section to get over the tooth...)

Pistol whipped (3 pitches!)

Sacred Cow

camping under the influence (I TR-flashed this one, but I think I remember being grateful that I wasn't leading!)

T-Bones tonight (fell at the top on the flash attempt)

.13s? meh...probably not fit enough...

Belly full of Bad Berries (I kid! I kid...)

Optimator?

Death of a Cowboy?

Tricks are For Kids?

Towers

Ancient Art

something on the Bridger Jacks...

6 shooters? 

Moonlight Buttress...let's see how I feel.

I pretty much refuse to project anything at first.  If something gets me excited, then maybe.  Flailing is for gumbies!  ok, kidding again...sort of.

Any other suggestions?

more musings...I'll never stop!

So I had an interesting and random experience with an acquaintance over the last week or two.  We hung out a little bit, sort of romantically, but maybe not really.  It was odd, and I wasn't sure what to make of it.  The thing is, it was definitely unexpected, but it was kind of nice.  Naturally however, it brought up a lot of thoughts about past experiences, hopes, expectations...you know, the regular tangled morass neuroses of what goes on in my mind.  

So as it turns out, "it" is not going to go anywhere.  Which leaves me with some mixed feelings.  Every time I get involved with someone new I go into a reflective-hyperdrive (if I were in the movie Spaceballs, I'd be GOING PLAID!!!).  Aren't you glad that you don't live inside of my head by the way?  I mean, how lucky are you?!  Not only is my brain diseased, but it's also bat-shit crazy!!

 

On to my mixed feelings.  On the one hand, I felt relieved during our conversation, because I had been holding back a lot...sort of waiting to see what was going to happen.  I don't like holding back one bit.  Nope, not one bit.  Which begs the question: why am I waiting for someone else's actions to determine how I feel?  But that's another subject for another time.  On the other hand, I'm a little bit disappointed...I can't deny that I was excited to do fun things with someone.  But I think this stems more from being a person who's excited to do things in general.  I mean, I'm generally game for just about anything.

One thing that I noticed...I can get sucked into other people's moods.  Sometimes I feel like I sense discomfort, unease, depression or sadness a little too much, and I'll alter my behavior to reflect what's happening in the person I'm interacting with.  It's almost like I'm making up the difference, or bridging some sort of gap...trying to make everything ok.  And I can't even help it.  It just happens.  It's almost like I'm afraid that if I stop talking and making everything ok, then the conversation will stop and awkward silence will ensue.  Or the world will end or something dramatic like that.  It's messed up and I don't like it.  Especially cause I'm like 99% sure the other person is NOT feeling like they have to make things ok for me.

But maybe it's not all me... certainly there are many people who I am deeply comfortable around.  These people tend to be very comfortable with themselves.  It's no surprise that when you are satisfied and content with yourself, you can absorb a lot of shit from the world.  When you're not...stuff hits you a lot harder.  

You have to be resilient, or life will take you down.  

At this point in my life (the tender age of 29), I feel like I've recovered from some unpleasant things.  Traci being sick for years and years and then dying in a car crash sucked pretty hard.  Getting MS...that sucks hard too.  Both of these experiences hit my soul in different ways. 

Traci dying: shit happens to the people you love suddenly and unexpectedly.  

Getting MS: shit happens to you suddenly and unexpectedly, and I might not be able to walk in 5 years.  Okay, dramatic and not likely, but how do I know that?  I just don't think about it.  And I don't think about it when someone tells me that they know someone with MS who woke up paralyzed on one side and blind in one eye on day.  That possibility is not in my worldview.  If it happens, I'll deal with it.

Anyway the downside of all of this is that despite this "it" being nothing to get too excited about, "it" does leave a bit of a gap.  This gap is something that I know we all feel...most people I know and am close to experience painful loneliness to one degree or another.  In yoga you're supposed to "sit" with your feelings.  But honestly, fuck that!  Being lonely SUCKS, and I'll avoid it at all costs.  I mean, really?  I'm supposed to feel pain and suffering?  No way!

This is why I'm going to learn how to brew beer tonight in Sacramento, why I had lunch with a friend, why I chat online way too much, why I don't enjoy climbing by myself.  I don't know that there is anything more important in my life than the people I share it with. 

My dorky life

I just wanted to share a brief correspondence I had with a fellow desert fish enthusiast.  He's writing an updated version of California's fish species of concern, and he has to decide what is "distinct" enough to be listed (which often involves interpreting genetic data, hence why he's consulting me).  I think he's a closet geneticist.  Check it out:

Hi XXXX -

I should go back through the literature and see if anyone has done AFLP or usat analysis of these two morphs.  I'm pretty sure that a phylogenetic analysis based on sequence data did not reveal substantial differentiation.

I'm a little on the fence.  Is there a way to describe "morphs" as distinct without having to invoke subspecific or specific status?

-Mandi

It a hot a topic. check out the Schlueter paper and I will send along simberloff's dense ass review of character displacement too

total hot button ecology topic to sex up your phd funding quests

check these papers out briefly, see what you think and then I will pitch you the tui chub argument thats taking shape in my mind

cheers,

XXXX

Always ready to bolt for the door

Stuff has been interesting lately.  New people, the liver-destruction diet (it totally works by the way).  Other things...

Other than not getting jack done last week because I felt like crap, things are going pretty well.  I'm feeling a lot better, I have been biking (indoors, ok, but whatever - I'm into it!), and climbing (also indoors...this is CA in Winter).  Nevertheless, it's been kind of rad.  

I find this blog a wonderful thing (for me), but at the same time I know that more and more people that I know are reading it...and it's making me self-edit.  I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, I don't want to reveal information that people don't want out in the open.

The point is that I'm a little confused about a new situation and want to write about it, but don't particularly want to face the consequences of discussing it in the public sphere.

So instead I'll dance around the subject, using little anecdotes that are not quite but sort of true.  It's annoying.  

You'd think that I've been through enough crap to know how to be around people who are going through shitty things.  I don't.  Everyone deals with crap differently, and there are ba-jillions of different kinds of crap to deal with.  Some serious, some not-so-serious.  Life experiences have a lot to do with how crap-tastic you might feel a crappy situation is, but more and more I'm thinking that people are born with particular ways of dealing with the turds that inevitably find their way on to one's road of life...so to speak.  I mean if it wasn't one turd pile, would it just be another?

Lately I've been spending time with a lot of really positive people, and I think that this is why I've been feeling really good lately.  The other part of this equation is letting go of people who aren't putting in the energy that I am willing to put in, and letting go of people who find it difficult to be happy, or if not happy, then at least genuinely appreciative, and largely content.

I don't want to judge people on how they cope with the good and the bad in life, but maybe there are better ways than others to take on new burdens.  However, maybe we are hard-wired to move forward in our own ways, and assigning some sort of qualitative judgement to it is pointless.  So what I am left with (and probably what really matters) is how I feel- something I tend to ignore when I sense that a person who is close to me is upset.  All I know is that, for me, some people require a lot of my energy...I'm always worried about either pissing them off, or saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing, if they are happy, etc.  As it turns out, I'm pretty sensitive.  I'd rather write people off and head for the door than wait around for a "real" rejection.  Personality failing.  But hell, at least it's efficient right?  I don't want to be that guy who's deluded.

So if anyone knows what the hell I'm talking about in this post...good for you!

On to more pedestrian things: Went to spin class and then the climbing gym Saturday. Climbing after spin class is really hard.  Climbing after spin class after not eating for 4 days is damn near impossible.  Oh well, I got to hang out with Rick and that was nice.  Then I went home and collapsed into my oh-so-cosy bed for a few hours and watched The Wire.  V-day night I had a "date" with a friend, where we ate tamales and talked about life.  The tamales kind of sucked...I think they needed salt or something.

Sunday I putzed around in the morning, thinking about the things that I should be doing for work...and then not doing them.  Chatted online with Alex for an hour or so (well, mostly I listened to him rant about Weidner).  He's headed to El Salto, and I would be jealous except being there with them right now would mean being at the mercy of Chris's schedule.  Blah.  In the afternoon I met up with Drew at the Oakland gym and had a good session...after I was properly cooked, I went upstairs to the woody to see how the real rock climbers do it.  In case you are wondering, they do it on a woody.  And then they do it on the rings after that.

I skipped the woody sesh, but was intrigued by the rings (partly because you walk behind a curtain in the back of the gym and all of these rings are everywhere.  It is vaguely bondage-ish, which is nice...).  Anyway, it was cool and fun and I'd like to do it again, but I woke up this morning and could barely turn my head.  Dammit.  It kind of feels like I have whiplash!  Whatever.

Good food for dinner, interesting company, and then back to Davis to attempt to work on a computer lab I'm teaching about Genepop on the Web and GDA software.  Which sucks because I think that data analysis and interpretation is likely the biggest hole in my skill set right now.

And I'm editing a coauthor's draft of his portion of the Tuolumne River book and HOLY CATS IS HE VERBOSE!  Editing basically consists of taking out gi-normous portions of text and getting rid of pointlessly big words.  Whatever.  I like cleaning stuff up and getting rid of excess.  

Barack Obama On Science And Charles Darwin

Hallelujah. This is the best Darwin/Valentine's Day gift EVER!

beautiful

This photo is beautiful.  So lovely.  It came from here.  

I'm not as tough as I think I am

So I get hangovers.  Really really really bad hangovers - but only within the last year.  The only reason I can think of for why I've been getting horrible hangovers is the interferon for MS.  I did a google search and found some information about how alcohol can increase the side effects of interferon (which are usually flu-like symptoms), but I didn't find anything about interferon making you wish you were dead after having 4 glasses of wine.  So who knows.  Maybe I'm just getting old.

I guess I need to accept that I can't drink very much.  Within the last few months I've had a hangover the day after Thanksgiving, one when I shared a bottle of champagne with a labmate, another when I had a beer and a half after the TBS comp, and one after having 4 glasses of wine last night.  It's FUCKED.  Not to mention embarrassing.  It's about 8pm and I'm finally able to eat something.  My housemate (who has a cold) went and bought me some chicken soup.  This is not normal - it HAS to be the drugs.  Apparently I need to accept some limitations.  I'm not that psyched about it.  But hopefully the desire not to SUFFER for 18 hours will prompt me to make more responsible decisions.

pics from recent stuff

A nerdy invertebrate video

enjoy!