I'm a complainer

I drove into Moab today because it was raining.  Upon arrival, naturally the rain stopped and the sun came out.  So I was thinking that everyone I'm camped with was probably climbing, and that I should have stayed to climb as well.

But honestly I don't really want to.  My hands hurt SO badly.  The thought of putting them in a crack makes me want to cry.  

The time when I need to be back in Davis is approaching.  Maybe this is part of my lack of motivation.  That combined with the pain of crack climbing.  

However I don't really want to go home.  The only people who I'd consider my friends in Davis, or in the Bay Area for that matter, are people who probably would never contact me if I didn't make an effort.  And I'm starting to get a little bitter about it.  I'm tired of being peoples' fucking charity case, or at least feeling like it.  Everyone has their own glorious lives.

I guess the weather and the inevitable return to "real life" has gotten me down.  And by being down, I don't feel like doing what I came here to do, which is climb.  

Is this what happens when we get older?  We just sort through all the crap and and put things into little piles of differing priorities?  I miss genuine people and people who aren't so fucking distracted all the time.  But we get older and we get/or get out of relationships, have obligations and need to make money in order to survive and have money to eat and live and maybe some extra in case we get sick or something fucked up happens, but we also need to be happy, and enjoy the moment and value our friends and respect our elders (even if they don't deserve it) and take care of ourselves and get enough sleep, but not so much that we miss out on what's going on and we can't be too straight edge, because then we're not "letting go" and getting outside of our "comfort zone" - but not too much! - everything in moderation.  Not to mention we have to be environmentally conscious, not drive too much, especially don't drive and SUV, be politically conscious, but not just about the US - be politically conscious about events around the world, eat right and turn off the lights when we aren't in the room.  It's a lot to take on.

So I suppose I can understand why I have to be the one to initiate hanging out.  Or maybe I just suck.