Last post from Rifle

I haven't even left Rifle yet and I'm already depressed. Maybe it's the fact that it's cloudy, or that I know I'm going home to a shitstorm of work and stress... I'm not sure. Aren't you supposed to get sad when you get home, and not while you are still on vacation? This is kind of bullshit.

Some of it has to do with my personal life, but much of it has to do with climbing too much and being generally physically exhausted. Road trips are hard. It's boring or hard to rest, and then you end up getting super tired and not climbing as hard as you would as a weekend warrior (at least in my case).

I'm making steady progress on my 2 projects - Modest Mouse and Philology. I think with another week I could send them both. I'm finally remembering how to read rock and remember beta. I did do a new 12a, so that was good. 5th pitch of the day - it was nice cause I'd tried it at the beginning of the trip. It's a nice comparison to know that I'm stronger and better at rock climbing in Rifle.

It's been an interesting trip. Vacation provides a really nice escape from the daily thought-drudgery. I know I'm just going to head back to it soon. I'll need to stay busy, which shouldn't be hard because I've been neglecting my job. I've been working remotely, but obviously not doing as much as I need to do.

And this is when the blog devolves into a to do list. How sad.

I know that living on the road is a dream for many people, and I do like the month long trips. But only climbing takes its toll. I find I end up comparing myself to other people and prioritizing my performance far more than when I'm at home and my life is more balanced with other activities. I don't fall into the dejection that I'm not the best climber (or even climbing harder than I did years ago) as much as I did when I was younger. It can get pretty tough, and it's so silly - it's just rock climbing!

Funny how we just build and fill our lives with activities and chores and assign importance to things. I think we have to. And I also think it's somewhat arbitrary what we assign importance to. So much of it has to do with opportunity and circumstance. To be rock climbing at all one must be privileged in the grand scheme of things.

One of the things I like the most about being on the road is the social aspect. You are in a beautiful place with people all with a common interest pursuing a common goal. Everyone there has had to sacrifice in some way (I acknowledge it might be a small way!) to be there. It makes for easy connections, easy conversations, easy going days chatting and laughing with people and getting to know people. I love that. The climbing community is really wonderful in that way, and though there are issues, it does feel like a big extended family in some ways where people are willing to go out of their way for each other solely based on the fact that they've climbed together, have mutual friends, etc. I can't think of another setting available to me in my life that provides that same kind of connection and feeling of belonging.

The flipside of it is that it's impossible to explain what it's like to someone who is not a climber, or an avid athlete or hobbyist of the sort where people are interacting while pursuing an activity. I try to imagine what non-climbers think of what I do and really, they have no idea. And granted, there are aspects of anyone's life that very few people will understand. Maybe I'm inflating the awesomeness of climbing... I'm biased after all. At any rate there have been people who don't climb who I'd love to share this with. But that's one of those things that, in the specific case of one man, is impossible for more than just the fact that he doesn't climb.

It's rather freeing writing a blog that nobody reads!

Rifle part II

I keep being irresponsible and extending my Rifle trip. The canyon is quiet and the conditions are amazing. I'm not sure if, after experiencing the glory that is Rifle in September, I could ever come over the summer. It's pretty miserable and warm and crowded. People just come here because there aren't many other places to go in the summer. Except south african and above the Arctic Circle! 

I'm finally starting to feel more comfortable with the climbing here. I guess it just takes a bit to get used to a new area, especially if you haven't been sport climbing on rock. Rifle is notoriously distinct, and the feet are notoriously glassy. I've switched back to my trusty Miura velcroes, and I already feel a bit better on my feet.

I've worked Modest Mouse (I originally though the name was Mighty Mouse, but it's Modest Mouse) to the point where I can do everything except that one effing reachy crux. I know it's doable for shorter people, just not maybe for me. I've since abandoned it, even though I think it's an awesome route. For this trip I would rather try other things.  So I've been sampling a number of routes. I tried Espresso and couldn't do the boulder problem at the bottom. I tried Sexy Beast and there's a pocket that makes me feel like I'm going to rip a tendon, so that's out too. The latest thing I tried was Philology, but I couldn't figure out the boulder problem at the bottom. I was third day on when I tried it though, so I'd like to try it again after today's rest day. 

I haven't been thinking about marriage/kids/the things I was thinking about in the previous post lately. I've settled into Rifle life. Mostly I'm thinking about the couple of intense conversations I've had with Bill. Conversations with him are intense indeed, and always provide ample food for thought.

I've re-done a few routes I'd done before, which is nice. Bottom Feeder, Cold Cuts, 80 feet of Meat, Defenseless Betty several times. Overall my fitness is improving for climbing all day. It's disappointing I'll have to leave soon, though I did extend my trip for 2 weeks!

Joe is coming back this weekend and Anne is back, so partners abound. I'm trying not to feel like I suck at rock climbing since I can't do all the moves on 12cs and all the women here are working and sending 13+. I have to remember that Rifle in September during the week brings the cream of the crop. Badasses and superstars. I'm a competent and decent climber in my own right, but nothing like these amazing ladies! It's simultaneously inspiring and dejecting. The older I get the less dejected and the more inspired I get though, so I have that to look forward to. 

Tomorrow I'll try Philology again, and if I can figure everything out I'll leave my draws on it. I also want to finish Carruthers (12a), which requires hanging the draws. The other things I've been considering are the Butterfly Effect, which has draws, and Extended Family. I'm running out of time so we'll see what I have the energy for. 

Rifle

I took off for Rifle on September 1st. I'll admit that I'm taking substantial liberties knowing that I'm getting HSCT, and I'm being somewhat irresponsible but... here I am.

I stayed with the Powicks Thursday night amidst them dealing with the missing climbers in Pakistan. Not knowing the missing climbers, I more or less took it all in and stayed quiet. I felt bad for the friends and family. Turns out the search was called off a day or two later - given the conditions on the mountain and the knowledge of the climbers' supplies and how long they'd been missing, it was determined that the chances of survival were next to none. Alpine climbing is a different animal.

Anyway I got to Rifle Friday afternoon and immediately saw a bunch of old friends. The warmup was brutal. I haven't been focussing on sport climbing since... well maybe the winter? Not like I haven't climbed routes at all, but bouldering has been the focus - especially since I knew I was going to South Africa.

First day I got on a 5.10 that kicked my ass on the right side of Ruckman, and then got on Return to Sender which actually went a bit better. After that I fell at the top of a new .11 on the left side of the Wicked Cave. I climbed with Daniel and Vian. Saturday I climbed with Joe's friend Steve (who I'd met at the Wicked Cave the night before). Crushed myself trying to warm up on Aerie - .11d at the Project Wall (I should mention I onsighted this a few years ago). Then flailed on the first half of Blocky Horror Show before determining that a) I wasn't warmed up b) my skin hurt like hell and c) it was too damned hard for the second day. Didn't take much to wreck me. Anyway I met up with Anne and Reed and got on the .12a at the Bauhaus with the .12c/d extension. That went surprisingly well after the flail-fest in the morning. I'm just better when I can use my feet, and the .12a was nearly vertical so I could...use my feet.

In the meantime I ran into more people - Rosie, Clay, Joe, Sarah W., Bill, this dude Nate who's name I always forget even though I've run into him all over the place... then of course lots of acquaintances and friends of friends. Really good and fun crew here right now and I've started thinking about staying longer because - what do I really have to go back for other than the pile of work that I've been avoiding?

Sunday was a rest day - shower, trying to process some emotional baggage from back home, shopping, eating, you know, the usual.

Next climbing day I climbed with Sarah and we warmed up on the .10d on the left side of the Wasteland. Next was the Meat Wall, which of course was a shit show due to the labor day weekend. I got on the new .12c on the left side since all of the warmups had a long line and I'm impatient. Once again I hosed myself by not warming up well. Didn't work the moves too much, since the holds were small and I really needed to warm up. Sarah sent it easily though. Then I slipped off the top of 80 Feet of Meat (which for the record I've never fallen on before...). Got on the 12a at the Bauhaus again and figured out the moves - went into the extension and figured some stuff out up there too though I didn't clip the chains. Then got on Defenseless Betty (DB) to try to remember the beta, since I kind of want to try the extension, Mighty Mouse. I was pleased that I actually climbed well on DB.

Tuesday I climbed with Steve in the morning, and warmed up on the new .11b/c at the Meat Wall. I had Steve hang the draws and thank god because it's bolted for fixed draws and there are roughly 18 bolts. (As an aside, Steve said he thought it was hard for .11b since some of the moves were "rowdy". I'll have to use "rowdy" as a description more often). Pulled a flash out of my ass which is impressive because it's 35 meters and I do NOT have great endurance right now. Belayed Steve for a bit (on Le Specimen) til I met Vian around 2, and then got on Mighty Mouse. Let me tell you that thing is EPIC. Nearly did Defenseless Betty and then figured out a bunch of moves on the extension til I got to the Crux, which is pretty damned far up there. The crux is reachy and I didn't quite figure it out...plus I got exposure fatigue. You are way the hell up there and it's hard to hear your partner (the river is loud) and I'm just not used to exposure since I haven't been sport climbing. And oh yeah the bolts aren't that close... you are going for a ride if you fall. Followed of course by the "pull of shame" to get back to where you fell off. I fucking HATE pulling up the rope. Nevertheless I'm looking forward to getting back on it tomorrow.

By then I was worked but I got talked into trying the Noble Wife which... did not go well. I'm writing from my second rest day right now and I'm still pretty sore. Hopefully with 2 rest days I'll feel like a superhero tomorrow.

So speaking of rest days, yesterday was interesting. My new favorite past-time is going to a brewery/restaurant alone and having a beer. Yesterday I went to the brewpub and met the president of the 2nd largest bank in Colorado. I ate his cheese plate. The brewpub was having a special with a 5 ounce pour of nut brown ale aged in rye whiskey barrels, a shot of whiskey, and a cheese plate. He had sat down next to me and said well I want everything but the cheese plate. So naturally I said "I'll eat your cheese plate." It was the beginning of an interesting conversation. Everyone is interesting for an hour, but this guy was pretty interesting. To the left sat a woman who was an ovarian cancer survivor who'd just left her fiance. She was getting tanked. Anyway I found the evening pretty enjoyable. I love experiences like these. And of course the alcohol gets people chatting.

Every time I take a road trip there seems to be a theme or group of themes that my brain attaches to. Lately I've been ruminating on the meaning of marriage, why people want kids, and the tribalism of climbing. Of course I ran into people I know. I always doubt that I will, but I always do. Those of us living in our car and going on road trips are in our element when we do so. Of course we will run into each other over and over. And it's so wonderful to see everyone.

It's been really nice to be in the canyon. No cell service unless you drive about 20 minutes. And even then you have to pull over on the side of the reservoir. When I drive out of the canyon all of the things I've been dwelling on come flooding back. I appreciate the inability to send stupid pointless texts or emails while I'm in the canyon. Outta sight outta mind.

Paiute cutthroat trout restoration

One of my favorite projects over the years is the very first project I worked on - the reintroduction of Paiute cutthroat trout in Silver King Creek.

The PCT has the narrowest range of any native trout subspecies in the world. It is endemic to a ~10 mile stretch of stream above a fish barrier in SKC. Lower SKC’s upstream barrier is a waterfall called Llewellyn Falls. SKC is a headwater tributary to the East Fork Carson River. PCT are notable for their near complete lack of spots:

Paiute cutthroat trout

I decided it would be a good time to provide an update about the project, as I just visited SKC to help out with electrofishing sampling.

electrofishing Upper Silver King Creek - we got a couple of fish in this section

First some history: if we go back to 1912, some PCT were moved above a fish barrier (Llewellyn Falls) by a Basque sheepherder. This is fortunate, because subsequently multiple stockings of various trout species occurred in Lower SKC during what can be considered the fish stocking heydey of the 20th century. Being an isolated subspecies with no natural competitors, the PCT was quickly outcompeted in Lower SKC, leaving a few refuge populations of genetically pure PCT above Llewellyn Falls. Without this inadvertent “rescue” the PCT might be extinct.

View of Upper Silver King Creek (center), Four Mile Canyon (left), and Fly Valley Canyon (right)

I’m going to leave out a lot of history of chemical treatments and restocking efforts here. 

Fast forward to the early 2000s. Having long recognized that the PCT was threatened yet has high potential for recovery and restoration, the Department of Fish and Wildlife, US Forest Service, and US Fish and Wildlife Service planned on chemically treating Lower SKC to remove nonnative fish. After a number of legal battles that fought to stop the chemical treatment, in 2005 everybody was all set to go and begin the treatment the following morning. However at the very last minute a judge blocked the treatment, sending hikers out with headlamps in the middle of the night to ensure that agency biologists knew that they could not proceed. This was a bit rude given that the biologists had already received word of the judge’s orders via radio. It was not a happy night.

Electrofishing gear. Mules help get all of the gear into the backcountry.

2006 is when I began working on the project. First designing assays to detect hybridization so that we could assess the Lower SKC population. Second I wrote a paper in collaboration with Eric Anderson at NOAA that examined this population further, and showed variability in hybridization amongst the various markers. In 2013 I wrote a Genetic Management Plan for the reintroduction efforts. In the meantime CDFW and the rest of the project team had finally gotten the green light to begin the chemical treatment in 2013. Treatment was conducted in 2013, 2014, and 2015. Lower SKC is now fishless, save PCT getting washed downstream.

At present we are waiting on eDNA results, snorkel surveys, and the lower fish barrier assessment to make 100% sure that the lower fish barrier is intact and there are no rainbow trout in Lower SKC. This is critically important – if any rainbow trout are left behind in Lower SKC, the monumental efforts to chemically treat are likely to have been wasted. We would be back at square one.

mules and cowboys help out with the monumental efforts

Enter the historic California drought from 2012-present, and the latest surveys of the extant refuge populations. The refuge populations in Upper SKC have been regularly surveyed every few years for decades using electrofishing. The first year I worked on the project (2006) I visited SKC and watch the Wild Trout Crew shock Upper and Lower SKC. It was incredible how many fish we found. The populations were healthy and thriving.

electrofishing Upper SKC. No fish.

Over the past few years coinciding with the drought, the census numbers have dropped precipitously in Upper Silver King, Four Mile Canyon Creek, and Corral Valley Creek. As there is plenty of water in the basin (it’s largely decomposed granite, which acts as a sponge), the prevailing theory is that the drought has resulted in an absence of insulating snowpack, causing the formation of anchor ice, further resulting in winter fish kills. Whatever the cause, the outlook is not good, and we are now left with two known healthy populations in-basin (Coyote Creek and Fly Valley Creek), four populations known to be struggling (Upper SKC, Four Mile Canyon Creek, North Fork Cottonwood Creek (an out of basin population in the White Mountains), and Corral Valley Creek), and at least three whose the status is unknown due to access difficulties.

We found a single large fish (with ragged fins, possibly due to anchor ice) in one of the Four Mile Canyon test sections. I felt like I was shocking my grandparent

A picture of Upper Silver King Creek - looks like perfect habitat but... no trout

The whole situation is sadly ironic; it was environmental groups that fought the chemical treatment back in 2005 (pushing back against the use of rotenone, the use of gas-powered equipment in a wilderness area, and what they thought was an insufficient EIS), and now we are worried about the extinction of an iconic trout subspecies. If the PCT had been reintroduced in 2006, their habitat are would have been significantly expanded, and we might not be so worried. At this point we are concerned about whether or not there are enough fish to take from the refuge populations to introduce in lower SKC. It would be a mistake to take so many fish from depleted refuge populations.

Looks like good, strong, trout habitat

What we can do now is wait for the final confirmation that lower SKC no longer has rainbow trout. PCT will be washing downstream into Lower SKC either way. Ideally we would reintroduce a number of fish from the various refuge populations to ensure maximum genetic diversity. Conservation is rarely so straightforward. We must work with what we’ve got, and remember that doing nothing is also a choice.

This is a unique project. Very few areas are able to utilize chemical treatments safely and successfully to remove fish. The PCT is native to a small area, we still have genetically pure individuals, and the reason for their decline is removed when the nonnative fish are removed. We still have hope that the restoration will be successful.

Tuolumne bouldering August 2016

This weekend I made a beeline to the East Side after spending the morning with someone I'm fond of. I tried to beat traffic by leaving around noon. This worked out well, especially since I took Mormon Emigrant and Monitor Pass. Longer distance, but so much less traffic. It seems like there are so many more people recreating than there were before. And now I sound old saying that.

Good way to start the morning - sunrise over Mono Lake with a fire to make the colors pop

I hung out at the Mobil most of the afternoon - reading my book (Girls). Then Mecia and Lucho showed up, as planned. Early bedtime, early morning, and a last minute decision (aren't climbing decisions always last minute?) and Lucho got his way and we headed out to the Polly Dome boulders.

These boulders are not in Charlie's guide. In fact, he admitted he's never been out there. Lucho, Creg, and some others developed these blocks a few years back. We only got lost a few times on the approach. Basically you park at South Whiz Dome parking, and then head past south whiz and somewhat to the left... Well actually the beta is to go with Lucho. Good luck otherwise. The first area was fun, and I did a fun V4/5.

Here's Mecia on the first V4/5 at the Polly Dome boulders

Then we wandered around for a while until Lucho found these boulders he'd been to a few years prior. Lots of fun boulders here! Tons to do. Unfortunately we didn't stay long as Lucho wanted to go to Tioga and we were all afraid to try to hike out without him.

Here's a video of the view along the way to the second cluster of boulders. I had time to take this shot because we lost Mecia and Carolyn on the way...

However we did stay long enough for me to do another V4/5. So all in all it was a decent day. The boulders are good, but the approach is trail-less and about 40 minutes. Then Lucho took off for Tioga and the rest of us went to the Gunks. I tried Cellulite Eliminator and got shut down just like last summer. However Katie L. told me her beta - grab the knob left, then cross right to the slot. I was trying to go left to the knob and then bump to the slot. Then basically getting stuck. I'd love to go back and try it again with different beta.

Here's me using the wrong beta to try cellulite eliminator. My cellulite has not yet been eliminated...

Today we went to the Pennyroyal boulders. I tried this "v6" called Prince of Thieves. V6 is in quotes because it's generally agreed that this one is tough for a 6. Last summer I looked at it and immediately decided it was too hard, and too steep. I hadn't been bouldering, and I hadn't been climbing on anything steep. It was fun to get on it and make progress today. I figured out a bunch of the moves, and linked many of them. I've definitely refreshed my memory of what it's like to climb on steep rock.  I owe that to South Africa.

I'd love to get back out there this summer. It's critical to have plans to boulder with fun people. Otherwise it's hard to rally to make the long drive. I'd hate to get out here and end up with people who are way stronger than me, not that fun, or have nobody to climb with at all. There's obviously tons to do out here (hiking and whatnot) but when you want to climb, you want to climb. While I love hiking, it is a poor substitute want to climb.

Today I head into Silver King Creek to do some Paiute cutthroat electrofishing. One of my favorite places! I'm at the Meadowcliff hotel the night before, which is a special treat as the summer olympics are going on, and I don't have a TV at home. I also get to see a lot of attack ads directed towards Hillary. Ah Nevada.

Broaching the subject of the transplant

holy crap I'm blogging more than one day in a row. In part this is because I'm doing a lot of waiting around right now. Waiting to try to get steroids (yes, I wait to try to wait), waiting for my colleague to make a tree, waiting to feel better from my summer cold so I can be active, waiting for summer to end because it's TOO FUCKING HOT HERE.

I went to a conference in Wales two weeks ago. Admittedly, I drank too much and slept too little. That combined with air travel conspired to give me sinusitis. I've been sick over a week, and there's still junk in my head. I've tried climbing in the gym, and I'm shaky and tired.

Feeling shitty right now sucks more than normal, because I'm going to be starting a stem cell transplant for MS, and it is 100% guaranteed that I will feel like dog shit from late October to January. I have so much to write about this... it's first and foremost on my mind right now.

The idea is that chemo is used to reset my immune system, since it has gone haywire. I'm lucky to have very few symptoms, but over the past few years MRIs twice a year have showing significant progression in the form of new and active lesions. This is not good news.

HSCT is not a new treatment, but given the vagaries of both medicine and transmission of information in general, it's just now getting very popular. I found out about this treatment from my neurologist at Sutter a year ago - he suggested checking the clinical trials website regularly, as he knew that a doctor in Chicago was going to be conducting a Phase III trial for HSCT. I contacted them, made it through the first few hurdles, went to Chicago, and was offered the treatment on a compassionate basis due to my MRI films, and the fact that I'm running out of drugs to try.

Plus - the drugs are total fucking bullshit anyway. Such garbage. I cannot believe that this is the state of things. Switch patients from drug to drug to drug with increasing risk and side effects. No wonder a treatment that cannot be patented and is not new is not covered.

So cue the fight with insurance. On the one hand, it's great that I'm not in the trial, because I won't be randomized out, meaning I will get the treatment. On the other hand, since I'm not in the trial, insurance is fighting covering the $125k cost.

Fortunately my parents are offering to cover it, but I'm still appealing. I've already appealed several times - the last appeal was with an external agency in California. Blue Cross denied me on the basis of the treatment still being considered "experimental". I took the language of their justification of denial and added publications they hadn't cited and a list of insurers who have been covering the treatment. Essentially I was trying to write a proposal disproving that HSCT is experimental. I feel like I made a good case, but who the hell knows what a bunch of bureaucrats are going to decide. I'm at the mercy of the system. A cog in the wheel.

The ultimate plan is to blog the transplant experience, and backdate what has happened over the past 4 years. Wish me luck - in so many ways. All 5 of you who might be reading.

Four years.

For several months I've had a craving to write. So I'd think about writing, where I would write (laptop? hand write in a notebook? some sort of app?) and then I wouldn't write. The last few years have flown by, and I find myself recalling events and not remembering their order. For some reason I find this alarming. It bothers me, makes me feel old, and makes me feel like I can't get a grip on life.

So then I remembered that I have a blog! I hadn't been to this site in years, and hadn't felt the need. But now I need it. This year has been insane. I'd say 2013, 2014, and 2015 were pretty boring. Boring in the most wonderful way. Even as those years were boring, I knew it and I relished it. Because I knew that it never lasts. And so it hasn't.

In writing this blog I've always struggled with the tension between being too private and being too public. Knowing that it's out there alters my voice. Talking about what is happening with particular people in my life exposes them in ways that they didn't ask for, and it's not fair. However I'd like to have an unfiltered journal. I will investigate ways to make the blog private. I know I can password protect the whole blog, but I'm not sure if I can make particular posts private. One more thing on the to do list. I'd start a whole new blog, except I have several years of posting on this one, and I'd like to keep everything in the same place.

At any rate I will do my best to go back through photo and Facebook archives to recreate some memories. Mostly trips and whatnot. I'll be undergoing a stem cell transplant this fall (if all goes according to plan, which...) and I should have lots of time to think and write.

Some topics I'd like to visit are climbing and how it's evolved, my career, medical issues, aging, friendship, marriage and my outsider's perspective, my sad attention span, confidence and/or the lack thereof. You know, just basic life crap. A brain dump. I think it will give me a purpose that I've been feeling is absent lately. Life will pass you by, and I feel like writing enables me to record the things I've been ruminating about. Maybe later I can come back and I will have resolved some thoughts, or moved on to something else.