I haven't even left Rifle yet and I'm already depressed. Maybe it's the fact that it's cloudy, or that I know I'm going home to a shitstorm of work and stress... I'm not sure. Aren't you supposed to get sad when you get home, and not while you are still on vacation? This is kind of bullshit.
Some of it has to do with my personal life, but much of it has to do with climbing too much and being generally physically exhausted. Road trips are hard. It's boring or hard to rest, and then you end up getting super tired and not climbing as hard as you would as a weekend warrior (at least in my case).
I'm making steady progress on my 2 projects - Modest Mouse and Philology. I think with another week I could send them both. I'm finally remembering how to read rock and remember beta. I did do a new 12a, so that was good. 5th pitch of the day - it was nice cause I'd tried it at the beginning of the trip. It's a nice comparison to know that I'm stronger and better at rock climbing in Rifle.
It's been an interesting trip. Vacation provides a really nice escape from the daily thought-drudgery. I know I'm just going to head back to it soon. I'll need to stay busy, which shouldn't be hard because I've been neglecting my job. I've been working remotely, but obviously not doing as much as I need to do.
And this is when the blog devolves into a to do list. How sad.
I know that living on the road is a dream for many people, and I do like the month long trips. But only climbing takes its toll. I find I end up comparing myself to other people and prioritizing my performance far more than when I'm at home and my life is more balanced with other activities. I don't fall into the dejection that I'm not the best climber (or even climbing harder than I did years ago) as much as I did when I was younger. It can get pretty tough, and it's so silly - it's just rock climbing!
Funny how we just build and fill our lives with activities and chores and assign importance to things. I think we have to. And I also think it's somewhat arbitrary what we assign importance to. So much of it has to do with opportunity and circumstance. To be rock climbing at all one must be privileged in the grand scheme of things.
One of the things I like the most about being on the road is the social aspect. You are in a beautiful place with people all with a common interest pursuing a common goal. Everyone there has had to sacrifice in some way (I acknowledge it might be a small way!) to be there. It makes for easy connections, easy conversations, easy going days chatting and laughing with people and getting to know people. I love that. The climbing community is really wonderful in that way, and though there are issues, it does feel like a big extended family in some ways where people are willing to go out of their way for each other solely based on the fact that they've climbed together, have mutual friends, etc. I can't think of another setting available to me in my life that provides that same kind of connection and feeling of belonging.
The flipside of it is that it's impossible to explain what it's like to someone who is not a climber, or an avid athlete or hobbyist of the sort where people are interacting while pursuing an activity. I try to imagine what non-climbers think of what I do and really, they have no idea. And granted, there are aspects of anyone's life that very few people will understand. Maybe I'm inflating the awesomeness of climbing... I'm biased after all. At any rate there have been people who don't climb who I'd love to share this with. But that's one of those things that, in the specific case of one man, is impossible for more than just the fact that he doesn't climb.
It's rather freeing writing a blog that nobody reads!
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