Last post from Rifle

I haven't even left Rifle yet and I'm already depressed. Maybe it's the fact that it's cloudy, or that I know I'm going home to a shitstorm of work and stress... I'm not sure. Aren't you supposed to get sad when you get home, and not while you are still on vacation? This is kind of bullshit.

Some of it has to do with my personal life, but much of it has to do with climbing too much and being generally physically exhausted. Road trips are hard. It's boring or hard to rest, and then you end up getting super tired and not climbing as hard as you would as a weekend warrior (at least in my case).

I'm making steady progress on my 2 projects - Modest Mouse and Philology. I think with another week I could send them both. I'm finally remembering how to read rock and remember beta. I did do a new 12a, so that was good. 5th pitch of the day - it was nice cause I'd tried it at the beginning of the trip. It's a nice comparison to know that I'm stronger and better at rock climbing in Rifle.

It's been an interesting trip. Vacation provides a really nice escape from the daily thought-drudgery. I know I'm just going to head back to it soon. I'll need to stay busy, which shouldn't be hard because I've been neglecting my job. I've been working remotely, but obviously not doing as much as I need to do.

And this is when the blog devolves into a to do list. How sad.

I know that living on the road is a dream for many people, and I do like the month long trips. But only climbing takes its toll. I find I end up comparing myself to other people and prioritizing my performance far more than when I'm at home and my life is more balanced with other activities. I don't fall into the dejection that I'm not the best climber (or even climbing harder than I did years ago) as much as I did when I was younger. It can get pretty tough, and it's so silly - it's just rock climbing!

Funny how we just build and fill our lives with activities and chores and assign importance to things. I think we have to. And I also think it's somewhat arbitrary what we assign importance to. So much of it has to do with opportunity and circumstance. To be rock climbing at all one must be privileged in the grand scheme of things.

One of the things I like the most about being on the road is the social aspect. You are in a beautiful place with people all with a common interest pursuing a common goal. Everyone there has had to sacrifice in some way (I acknowledge it might be a small way!) to be there. It makes for easy connections, easy conversations, easy going days chatting and laughing with people and getting to know people. I love that. The climbing community is really wonderful in that way, and though there are issues, it does feel like a big extended family in some ways where people are willing to go out of their way for each other solely based on the fact that they've climbed together, have mutual friends, etc. I can't think of another setting available to me in my life that provides that same kind of connection and feeling of belonging.

The flipside of it is that it's impossible to explain what it's like to someone who is not a climber, or an avid athlete or hobbyist of the sort where people are interacting while pursuing an activity. I try to imagine what non-climbers think of what I do and really, they have no idea. And granted, there are aspects of anyone's life that very few people will understand. Maybe I'm inflating the awesomeness of climbing... I'm biased after all. At any rate there have been people who don't climb who I'd love to share this with. But that's one of those things that, in the specific case of one man, is impossible for more than just the fact that he doesn't climb.

It's rather freeing writing a blog that nobody reads!

Rifle part II

I keep being irresponsible and extending my Rifle trip. The canyon is quiet and the conditions are amazing. I'm not sure if, after experiencing the glory that is Rifle in September, I could ever come over the summer. It's pretty miserable and warm and crowded. People just come here because there aren't many other places to go in the summer. Except south african and above the Arctic Circle! 

I'm finally starting to feel more comfortable with the climbing here. I guess it just takes a bit to get used to a new area, especially if you haven't been sport climbing on rock. Rifle is notoriously distinct, and the feet are notoriously glassy. I've switched back to my trusty Miura velcroes, and I already feel a bit better on my feet.

I've worked Modest Mouse (I originally though the name was Mighty Mouse, but it's Modest Mouse) to the point where I can do everything except that one effing reachy crux. I know it's doable for shorter people, just not maybe for me. I've since abandoned it, even though I think it's an awesome route. For this trip I would rather try other things.  So I've been sampling a number of routes. I tried Espresso and couldn't do the boulder problem at the bottom. I tried Sexy Beast and there's a pocket that makes me feel like I'm going to rip a tendon, so that's out too. The latest thing I tried was Philology, but I couldn't figure out the boulder problem at the bottom. I was third day on when I tried it though, so I'd like to try it again after today's rest day. 

I haven't been thinking about marriage/kids/the things I was thinking about in the previous post lately. I've settled into Rifle life. Mostly I'm thinking about the couple of intense conversations I've had with Bill. Conversations with him are intense indeed, and always provide ample food for thought.

I've re-done a few routes I'd done before, which is nice. Bottom Feeder, Cold Cuts, 80 feet of Meat, Defenseless Betty several times. Overall my fitness is improving for climbing all day. It's disappointing I'll have to leave soon, though I did extend my trip for 2 weeks!

Joe is coming back this weekend and Anne is back, so partners abound. I'm trying not to feel like I suck at rock climbing since I can't do all the moves on 12cs and all the women here are working and sending 13+. I have to remember that Rifle in September during the week brings the cream of the crop. Badasses and superstars. I'm a competent and decent climber in my own right, but nothing like these amazing ladies! It's simultaneously inspiring and dejecting. The older I get the less dejected and the more inspired I get though, so I have that to look forward to. 

Tomorrow I'll try Philology again, and if I can figure everything out I'll leave my draws on it. I also want to finish Carruthers (12a), which requires hanging the draws. The other things I've been considering are the Butterfly Effect, which has draws, and Extended Family. I'm running out of time so we'll see what I have the energy for. 

Rifle

I took off for Rifle on September 1st. I'll admit that I'm taking substantial liberties knowing that I'm getting HSCT, and I'm being somewhat irresponsible but... here I am.

I stayed with the Powicks Thursday night amidst them dealing with the missing climbers in Pakistan. Not knowing the missing climbers, I more or less took it all in and stayed quiet. I felt bad for the friends and family. Turns out the search was called off a day or two later - given the conditions on the mountain and the knowledge of the climbers' supplies and how long they'd been missing, it was determined that the chances of survival were next to none. Alpine climbing is a different animal.

Anyway I got to Rifle Friday afternoon and immediately saw a bunch of old friends. The warmup was brutal. I haven't been focussing on sport climbing since... well maybe the winter? Not like I haven't climbed routes at all, but bouldering has been the focus - especially since I knew I was going to South Africa.

First day I got on a 5.10 that kicked my ass on the right side of Ruckman, and then got on Return to Sender which actually went a bit better. After that I fell at the top of a new .11 on the left side of the Wicked Cave. I climbed with Daniel and Vian. Saturday I climbed with Joe's friend Steve (who I'd met at the Wicked Cave the night before). Crushed myself trying to warm up on Aerie - .11d at the Project Wall (I should mention I onsighted this a few years ago). Then flailed on the first half of Blocky Horror Show before determining that a) I wasn't warmed up b) my skin hurt like hell and c) it was too damned hard for the second day. Didn't take much to wreck me. Anyway I met up with Anne and Reed and got on the .12a at the Bauhaus with the .12c/d extension. That went surprisingly well after the flail-fest in the morning. I'm just better when I can use my feet, and the .12a was nearly vertical so I could...use my feet.

In the meantime I ran into more people - Rosie, Clay, Joe, Sarah W., Bill, this dude Nate who's name I always forget even though I've run into him all over the place... then of course lots of acquaintances and friends of friends. Really good and fun crew here right now and I've started thinking about staying longer because - what do I really have to go back for other than the pile of work that I've been avoiding?

Sunday was a rest day - shower, trying to process some emotional baggage from back home, shopping, eating, you know, the usual.

Next climbing day I climbed with Sarah and we warmed up on the .10d on the left side of the Wasteland. Next was the Meat Wall, which of course was a shit show due to the labor day weekend. I got on the new .12c on the left side since all of the warmups had a long line and I'm impatient. Once again I hosed myself by not warming up well. Didn't work the moves too much, since the holds were small and I really needed to warm up. Sarah sent it easily though. Then I slipped off the top of 80 Feet of Meat (which for the record I've never fallen on before...). Got on the 12a at the Bauhaus again and figured out the moves - went into the extension and figured some stuff out up there too though I didn't clip the chains. Then got on Defenseless Betty (DB) to try to remember the beta, since I kind of want to try the extension, Mighty Mouse. I was pleased that I actually climbed well on DB.

Tuesday I climbed with Steve in the morning, and warmed up on the new .11b/c at the Meat Wall. I had Steve hang the draws and thank god because it's bolted for fixed draws and there are roughly 18 bolts. (As an aside, Steve said he thought it was hard for .11b since some of the moves were "rowdy". I'll have to use "rowdy" as a description more often). Pulled a flash out of my ass which is impressive because it's 35 meters and I do NOT have great endurance right now. Belayed Steve for a bit (on Le Specimen) til I met Vian around 2, and then got on Mighty Mouse. Let me tell you that thing is EPIC. Nearly did Defenseless Betty and then figured out a bunch of moves on the extension til I got to the Crux, which is pretty damned far up there. The crux is reachy and I didn't quite figure it out...plus I got exposure fatigue. You are way the hell up there and it's hard to hear your partner (the river is loud) and I'm just not used to exposure since I haven't been sport climbing. And oh yeah the bolts aren't that close... you are going for a ride if you fall. Followed of course by the "pull of shame" to get back to where you fell off. I fucking HATE pulling up the rope. Nevertheless I'm looking forward to getting back on it tomorrow.

By then I was worked but I got talked into trying the Noble Wife which... did not go well. I'm writing from my second rest day right now and I'm still pretty sore. Hopefully with 2 rest days I'll feel like a superhero tomorrow.

So speaking of rest days, yesterday was interesting. My new favorite past-time is going to a brewery/restaurant alone and having a beer. Yesterday I went to the brewpub and met the president of the 2nd largest bank in Colorado. I ate his cheese plate. The brewpub was having a special with a 5 ounce pour of nut brown ale aged in rye whiskey barrels, a shot of whiskey, and a cheese plate. He had sat down next to me and said well I want everything but the cheese plate. So naturally I said "I'll eat your cheese plate." It was the beginning of an interesting conversation. Everyone is interesting for an hour, but this guy was pretty interesting. To the left sat a woman who was an ovarian cancer survivor who'd just left her fiance. She was getting tanked. Anyway I found the evening pretty enjoyable. I love experiences like these. And of course the alcohol gets people chatting.

Every time I take a road trip there seems to be a theme or group of themes that my brain attaches to. Lately I've been ruminating on the meaning of marriage, why people want kids, and the tribalism of climbing. Of course I ran into people I know. I always doubt that I will, but I always do. Those of us living in our car and going on road trips are in our element when we do so. Of course we will run into each other over and over. And it's so wonderful to see everyone.

It's been really nice to be in the canyon. No cell service unless you drive about 20 minutes. And even then you have to pull over on the side of the reservoir. When I drive out of the canyon all of the things I've been dwelling on come flooding back. I appreciate the inability to send stupid pointless texts or emails while I'm in the canyon. Outta sight outta mind.