Four years.

For several months I've had a craving to write. So I'd think about writing, where I would write (laptop? hand write in a notebook? some sort of app?) and then I wouldn't write. The last few years have flown by, and I find myself recalling events and not remembering their order. For some reason I find this alarming. It bothers me, makes me feel old, and makes me feel like I can't get a grip on life.

So then I remembered that I have a blog! I hadn't been to this site in years, and hadn't felt the need. But now I need it. This year has been insane. I'd say 2013, 2014, and 2015 were pretty boring. Boring in the most wonderful way. Even as those years were boring, I knew it and I relished it. Because I knew that it never lasts. And so it hasn't.

In writing this blog I've always struggled with the tension between being too private and being too public. Knowing that it's out there alters my voice. Talking about what is happening with particular people in my life exposes them in ways that they didn't ask for, and it's not fair. However I'd like to have an unfiltered journal. I will investigate ways to make the blog private. I know I can password protect the whole blog, but I'm not sure if I can make particular posts private. One more thing on the to do list. I'd start a whole new blog, except I have several years of posting on this one, and I'd like to keep everything in the same place.

At any rate I will do my best to go back through photo and Facebook archives to recreate some memories. Mostly trips and whatnot. I'll be undergoing a stem cell transplant this fall (if all goes according to plan, which...) and I should have lots of time to think and write.

Some topics I'd like to visit are climbing and how it's evolved, my career, medical issues, aging, friendship, marriage and my outsider's perspective, my sad attention span, confidence and/or the lack thereof. You know, just basic life crap. A brain dump. I think it will give me a purpose that I've been feeling is absent lately. Life will pass you by, and I feel like writing enables me to record the things I've been ruminating about. Maybe later I can come back and I will have resolved some thoughts, or moved on to something else.