I think I'm cruxing

So I think I might be cruxing a little bit.  I haven't been sleeping very well lately, my stomach is in knots.  I know why, but I don't want to write about it on the interwebs.  

You'd think that after almost 30 years of thinking and interacting with people and learning about myself I could make good decisions regarding other people.  But as it turns out, I can't.  I have crappy taste in men.  It's time to face it.  Ok, I'm facing it...facing it...ok faced.  Now can I feel better?

No?

FUUUUCCCKKKKK!!!  

GOD.

One of the things that keeps me from spiraling into a permanent abysmal depression is being excited about stuff.  Being excited about people, doing things, climbing trips.  Sadly, I rarely get excited about work.  Work is just the wallpaper that makes the exciting things stand out.

I'm not excited about anybody or anything right now.  Hence, bummed.  I feel like all I need to put some shit behind me is something new.  Where is it?