It's been a while since I've posted - longer than usual. Same old stuff is happening, work, cooking, climbing... Winter is so grim. It gets dark so early! Depressing.
This week kinda sucked. My visitor took off (which was sad but right), my laptop died, my fridge died, my guest lecturer for my Tuesday night bailed on Monday night and I didn't have time to come up with anything new (I'd squandered movie day the Saturday before...oops), and UC Davis is in the news for the pepper spray incident (which really doesn't affect me that much, but my reaction to it is a little disturbing).
So the first way that I got wind of the pepper spray incident was when the Chancellor wrote an email...I just skimmed it (hadn't watched the viral video yet, though I'd seen it posted a bunch). At first I was like "why didn't the students move when they asked them to?" But then I watched the video, and I still had the "why didn't they move" reaction... but watching the dude pepper spray I was thinking "why did they have to use pepper spray? This seems really fucked up!". But then I though a little more and I thought "why did they have to move in the first place?" The best forum for protest, no matter how stupid you think the issue is (as long as it's not harming anyone) is the University.
I don't know...I'm a little ashamed that at first I wasn't as appalled as I feel like I should have been. It makes me worry that I'm becoming apathetic or desensitized to these things. I really should have felt more initial outrage. One thing that my visitor taught me is that I take a very measured approach to feeling things if I don't have confidence that I know what's really going on. I suppose it's part of the science background, but probably other things too. Who knows.
Career-wise life is great...other than I'm not motivated to do any real work. I ended up canceling class Tuesday rather than busting my ass to come up with something. I know I should have rallied and dealt, but knowing that I'm the boss and I could cancel class and had an out...I guess I just didn't.
Oh yeah and now I have to figure out if I'm going to move out of my house or buy it from my parents. I have to decide by June, which is a lot of time to think about it. I waffle back and forth. I have no debt right now, and assuming debt, even if my parents sell me the house for the cost of the mortgage, is daunting. I'll probably be in Davis another year at least (post-docing, and teaching at the community college)...but then what? I have no idea. I get stressed thinking about it. Being an adult sucks.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Productivity slump
Back on my own for a few days, and trying to get things done. I seem to have fallen into a productivity slump, fueled by:
1. listening to this over and over, causing myself to spiral into a positive feedback vortex of sentimentality:
2. Having nothing but guest lecturers in my class, so not needing to actually prepare anything (though I do have to write an exam for Tuesday, and an exam review for Saturday...ugh.). I'm experiencing a serious lull in my interest in teaching this class. Semesters are SO LONG. Plus I feel like I have no grand plan for teaching the class...no general outline for the second half of the semester, and no idea what I want to actually teach. I feel like it's all a hodgepodge; I have no vision.
3. Downloading Ren and Stimpy digitally remastered classics (YES!)
Ren and Stimpy always reminds me of Traci, my sister. We both loved that show as kids. She even bought me themed bedroom slippers - one was Ren and one was Stimpy. I wish I still had them.
4. Getting jolted out of my routine by the stuff that I wrote about in the last post. Indeed.
I wish I was a more adaptable person, or maybe I just need more shit that I HAVE to do RIGHT NOW. My pupfish chapter is languishing in versions on my thumb drive. I've been reading papers to try to find a good "story" to tell...I just can't decide, but it needs to get done. I need to finish my PhD. I think I'm getting hung up on the details of the data analysis rather than thinking more broadly.
Is 3pm too early to start drinking?
1. listening to this over and over, causing myself to spiral into a positive feedback vortex of sentimentality:
2. Having nothing but guest lecturers in my class, so not needing to actually prepare anything (though I do have to write an exam for Tuesday, and an exam review for Saturday...ugh.). I'm experiencing a serious lull in my interest in teaching this class. Semesters are SO LONG. Plus I feel like I have no grand plan for teaching the class...no general outline for the second half of the semester, and no idea what I want to actually teach. I feel like it's all a hodgepodge; I have no vision.
3. Downloading Ren and Stimpy digitally remastered classics (YES!)
Ren and Stimpy always reminds me of Traci, my sister. We both loved that show as kids. She even bought me themed bedroom slippers - one was Ren and one was Stimpy. I wish I still had them.
4. Getting jolted out of my routine by the stuff that I wrote about in the last post. Indeed.
I wish I was a more adaptable person, or maybe I just need more shit that I HAVE to do RIGHT NOW. My pupfish chapter is languishing in versions on my thumb drive. I've been reading papers to try to find a good "story" to tell...I just can't decide, but it needs to get done. I need to finish my PhD. I think I'm getting hung up on the details of the data analysis rather than thinking more broadly.
Is 3pm too early to start drinking?
Monday, October 10, 2011
Life revolution
Ok well revolution is probably a strong word, but a lot has happened in the last 2 weeks. I won't go into all of it here, as this is the internet and nothing is sacred, but I will say that things are good. I don't know how long it will stay good, but hopefully for more than another week.
I've been hanging out with someone who's given me some welcome new perspective on what I'm capable of, what I've been through, and what I want. I think he's probably in the same boat as me, which is good (you know, sharing a boat - makes paddling easier). We feel like we've been in an oxbow for the last week, but now it's probably time to get back into the current and move.
Ahh horrible metaphors - my special talent.
I've basically taken the last week off of work and gotten next to nothing done. So now I have some time to get my shit back together, but of course everything is different now. It's so much easier to stay in my little hobbit hole and not let anyone in - status quo is comfortable and easy. I have my list of things to rant about, my list of things that I do every week, every day. A not so subtle shift has kind of rocked my world.
And another note to say that I've realized that I have really protective friends, which is a good good feeling. Considering my past taste in men has been...um...abysmal (and people just LOVE to tell me so; ha ha ha everyone), it's good for people to go out of their way to give me the thumbs up for a change.
I've been hanging out with someone who's given me some welcome new perspective on what I'm capable of, what I've been through, and what I want. I think he's probably in the same boat as me, which is good (you know, sharing a boat - makes paddling easier). We feel like we've been in an oxbow for the last week, but now it's probably time to get back into the current and move.
Ahh horrible metaphors - my special talent.
I've basically taken the last week off of work and gotten next to nothing done. So now I have some time to get my shit back together, but of course everything is different now. It's so much easier to stay in my little hobbit hole and not let anyone in - status quo is comfortable and easy. I have my list of things to rant about, my list of things that I do every week, every day. A not so subtle shift has kind of rocked my world.
And another note to say that I've realized that I have really protective friends, which is a good good feeling. Considering my past taste in men has been...um...abysmal (and people just LOVE to tell me so; ha ha ha everyone), it's good for people to go out of their way to give me the thumbs up for a change.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Jane's Addiction is still making music?
Apparently they are. Perry Farrell looks straight out of the 90s in the video, but I do like the song. The video kind of makes me laugh though.
My friend Kat also pointed me to this video:
I really like the song - the video is kind of annoying. When I first started watching it I was thinking "who is this annoying whiny guy and WHY is he assaulting my eyes with his nudity?" But now I've listed to the song (more than) a few times and I really like it, especially when Kimbra starts singing. I'm probably projecting my own experiences, but as I see it:
whiny annoying guy was a dick, says he wasn't in to the girl, but is like "waaaah why won't you talk to me?"
girl is like "you were a dick, you blamed everything on me and are still making me feel like crap for not wanting to talk to you."
guy "wwaaaaaaaahhhhh waaaaaahhhh"
Yeah that's pretty much it.
oh yeah and this song is awesome:
My friend Kat also pointed me to this video:
I really like the song - the video is kind of annoying. When I first started watching it I was thinking "who is this annoying whiny guy and WHY is he assaulting my eyes with his nudity?" But now I've listed to the song (more than) a few times and I really like it, especially when Kimbra starts singing. I'm probably projecting my own experiences, but as I see it:
whiny annoying guy was a dick, says he wasn't in to the girl, but is like "waaaah why won't you talk to me?"
girl is like "you were a dick, you blamed everything on me and are still making me feel like crap for not wanting to talk to you."
guy "wwaaaaaaaahhhhh waaaaaahhhh"
Yeah that's pretty much it.
oh yeah and this song is awesome:
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Squirrels are evil
I will always stand by my statement that "I don't like mammals." Well, mostly I don't like mammals. I like birds, plants, fish, mushrooms, prokaryotes, insects and pretty much every other life form on this planet, but I'm really not nuts about mammals. Maybe it's the fur or something...or the teeth.
And now I dislike some of them even more: squirrels.
Squirrels are evil. Complete evil. They are NOT cute (neither are bunnies, which I know makes me strange, but don't we already know that I'm strange?)
The squirrels have been completely decimating the garden this summer. They are awful. I had 5 beautiful pumpkins on the vine and yesterday I went to the garden and discovered that they'd eaten all the ripe ones from the inside out. Nightmare. I was so so pissed. Am still pissed.
In the meantime they've eating the tomatoes, zucchini, strawberries and cucumbers. The only thing they haven't eaten are the habaneros, jalapenos and other hot chilis. Is this all we can grow here now? We need a herd of cats. A squadron of dogs. 100 little boys with bb guns. We can't poison them, and live traps probably aren't feasible since there are probably 500 squirrels in the garden. It's enough to make you give up altogether and just buy your veggies.
Fucking squirrels.
And now I dislike some of them even more: squirrels.
Squirrels are evil. Complete evil. They are NOT cute (neither are bunnies, which I know makes me strange, but don't we already know that I'm strange?)
The squirrels have been completely decimating the garden this summer. They are awful. I had 5 beautiful pumpkins on the vine and yesterday I went to the garden and discovered that they'd eaten all the ripe ones from the inside out. Nightmare. I was so so pissed. Am still pissed.
In the meantime they've eating the tomatoes, zucchini, strawberries and cucumbers. The only thing they haven't eaten are the habaneros, jalapenos and other hot chilis. Is this all we can grow here now? We need a herd of cats. A squadron of dogs. 100 little boys with bb guns. We can't poison them, and live traps probably aren't feasible since there are probably 500 squirrels in the garden. It's enough to make you give up altogether and just buy your veggies.
Fucking squirrels.
Friday, September 16, 2011
On doing things you know are bad for you, and of course other random ramblings.
"Like eating the whole pint of ice cream" as Ethan would say, "and yet I do it over and over and over again."
This was a mundane example, but I'm speaking of more um...emotionally challenging examples. I've been thinking about these things lately, and much more.
The 14th was the 10th anniversary of my sister's death. I didn't call my parents until the next day. The seem to be holding up rather well.
Teaching community college students has been an amazing experience so far. I'm not sure if it's something I'd like to do as my only profession. I think I'd feel stranded if my only community was other teachers and the students. Going to Seattle got me so fired up about science. I like teaching, but I think, like many things in my life, I could only be satisfied if it's a component of my life, and not my whole life.
I went to SF yesterday afternoon to hang out with Ethan, who's back for a couple of days. He had some crazy massage the day before, so he just hung out and belayed. What a guy! Then we got indian food at a restaurant in the Mission with a bunch of other people. It was awesome. I really like hanging out with his friends in SF. I'm a bit envious of his community there. Ethan is pretty young, but it's pretty impressive how mature he is in some ways. For example he's way better with people than I am. He can sit and chat with people in the gym, and be interested in what they have to say, far longer than I can tolerate. Not to mention that given he's a famous climber, people are always stopping to talk to him. His patience impresses me...it's never been something I've had in spades. I could learn a lot.
Got back around midnight and finally slept ok. It's been so warm at night that it's hard to sleep...the last couple of nights have been cooler, and I actually wake up refreshed, which is a nice feeling.
Going back to teaching, I'm learning so much about what makes people successful and what doesn't (at least in my small small world of school and academia). In generally I don't think of myself as particularly successful. Until I go and teach! Then I think "hey, I'm not doing so bad, and I know a thing or two." It's a nice feeling. That said, a lot of my students are really great. I think it's just that the general vibe is that people don't listen, have to ask things over and over, get confused easily, don't turn in things on time, show up late, or think I'm expecting too much. Sometimes it seems like some of them are just missing some basic life skills. It's not that they have a lack of knowledge, or are unable to learn, or don't know the right people - it's just that they don't know what to prioritize, be responsible or professional. I don't know. It's hard to put my finger on it.
This was a mundane example, but I'm speaking of more um...emotionally challenging examples. I've been thinking about these things lately, and much more.
The 14th was the 10th anniversary of my sister's death. I didn't call my parents until the next day. The seem to be holding up rather well.
Teaching community college students has been an amazing experience so far. I'm not sure if it's something I'd like to do as my only profession. I think I'd feel stranded if my only community was other teachers and the students. Going to Seattle got me so fired up about science. I like teaching, but I think, like many things in my life, I could only be satisfied if it's a component of my life, and not my whole life.
I went to SF yesterday afternoon to hang out with Ethan, who's back for a couple of days. He had some crazy massage the day before, so he just hung out and belayed. What a guy! Then we got indian food at a restaurant in the Mission with a bunch of other people. It was awesome. I really like hanging out with his friends in SF. I'm a bit envious of his community there. Ethan is pretty young, but it's pretty impressive how mature he is in some ways. For example he's way better with people than I am. He can sit and chat with people in the gym, and be interested in what they have to say, far longer than I can tolerate. Not to mention that given he's a famous climber, people are always stopping to talk to him. His patience impresses me...it's never been something I've had in spades. I could learn a lot.
Got back around midnight and finally slept ok. It's been so warm at night that it's hard to sleep...the last couple of nights have been cooler, and I actually wake up refreshed, which is a nice feeling.
Going back to teaching, I'm learning so much about what makes people successful and what doesn't (at least in my small small world of school and academia). In generally I don't think of myself as particularly successful. Until I go and teach! Then I think "hey, I'm not doing so bad, and I know a thing or two." It's a nice feeling. That said, a lot of my students are really great. I think it's just that the general vibe is that people don't listen, have to ask things over and over, get confused easily, don't turn in things on time, show up late, or think I'm expecting too much. Sometimes it seems like some of them are just missing some basic life skills. It's not that they have a lack of knowledge, or are unable to learn, or don't know the right people - it's just that they don't know what to prioritize, be responsible or professional. I don't know. It's hard to put my finger on it.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
The good news never stops
Two news articles of interest to me came through my reader feed today:
http://blogs.al
and
http://www.sacbee.com/2011/09/10/3898211/federal-judge-halts-paiute-cutthroat.html
Wow. The news just doesn't get any better. Soon we'll be left with rainbow trout and largemouth bass.
http://blogs.al
and
http://www.sacbee.com/2011/09/10/3898211/federal-judge-halts-paiute-cutthroat.html
Wow. The news just doesn't get any better. Soon we'll be left with rainbow trout and largemouth bass.
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