old song but a good one

I recently had this song turn up on Pandora, and it reminds me of a specific time and place in my life (as many memorable songs do). It's sad and lonely, but so very pretty.



I'm back on a Decemberists kick:



and:

Love.

I love this song:



The video is cool but confuses me a little bit. But that's ok because it has monsters and stuff.

New Music, and teaching is fun

I've decided that I like teaching. Where this will take me, I'm not sure. At least I'm not reluctant to say it anymore (I'm a weirdo; we've established that). Apparently I used the phrases "don't want to be locked down" "I'm afraid I'd be stranded" "I know I'm not married to it" "I'm just afraid to be trapped" when talking to Dan about choosing teaching as a career. Hmmm.

I like a few new songs that I've heard...they're not that new, but I've recently stumbled upon them and tracked down the artist (the Iphone is amazing!).



and



This week is crazy hectic. I'm not particularly excited about it. I'm still waiting for comments on my third chapter. You could say that my PhD is suspended somewhere in the ether, the vortex, the internet no-man's-land.

Hueco memories + Neko Case

This song (the whole album in fact) reminds me of Hueco Tanks. I spent a month there about 7 years ago. My very good friend Kristina burned me the cd (back when we burned cds). We've been through a lot since then.

Off the album Blacklisted.

Still amazing, still makes me cry sometimes:

Productivity slump

Back on my own for a few days, and trying to get things done. I seem to have fallen into a productivity slump, fueled by:

1. listening to this over and over, causing myself to spiral into a positive feedback vortex of sentimentality:


2. Having nothing but guest lecturers in my class, so not needing to actually prepare anything (though I do have to write an exam for Tuesday, and an exam review for Saturday...ugh.). I'm experiencing a serious lull in my interest in teaching this class. Semesters are SO LONG. Plus I feel like I have no grand plan for teaching the class...no general outline for the second half of the semester, and no idea what I want to actually teach. I feel like it's all a hodgepodge; I have no vision.

3. Downloading Ren and Stimpy digitally remastered classics (YES!)
Ren and Stimpy always reminds me of Traci, my sister. We both loved that show as kids. She even bought me themed bedroom slippers - one was Ren and one was Stimpy. I wish I still had them.

4. Getting jolted out of my routine by the stuff that I wrote about in the last post.  Indeed.

I wish I was a more adaptable person, or maybe I just need more shit that I HAVE to do RIGHT NOW.  My pupfish chapter is languishing in versions on my thumb drive. I've been reading papers to try to find a good "story" to tell...I just can't decide, but it needs to get done. I need to finish my PhD. I think I'm getting hung up on the details of the data analysis rather than thinking more broadly.

Is 3pm too early to start drinking?

Jane's Addiction is still making music?

Apparently they are. Perry Farrell looks straight out of the 90s in the video, but I do like the song.  The video kind of makes me laugh though.



My friend Kat also pointed me to this video:



I really like the song - the video is kind of annoying. When I first started watching it I was thinking "who is this annoying whiny guy and WHY is he assaulting my eyes with his nudity?" But now I've listed to the song (more than) a few times and I really like it, especially when Kimbra starts singing.  I'm probably projecting my own experiences, but as I see it:
whiny annoying guy was a dick, says he wasn't in to the girl, but is like "waaaah why won't you talk to me?"
girl is like "you were a dick, you blamed everything on me and are still making me feel like crap for not wanting to talk to you."
guy "wwaaaaaaaahhhhh waaaaaahhhh"

Yeah that's pretty much it.

oh yeah and this song is awesome:

Pretty song + teaching doubts

My latest song obsession.

I'm in unfamiliar territory lately. What with my ward and my class, I'm not used to being in charge. I don't particularly like it. I'd rather just have a discussion group with people over beer, but instead I have to develop rubrics and grade people, and be a hardass about attendance, etc.  I don't make a very good policewoman.

My typical way of dealing with people is to sit back and observe and then decide how I'm going to act.  I'm not the greatest at asking for what I need. It seems strange that this would translate to a course, and that grading and all that crap would be easy, but it's not.

Another big challenge is my generally sensitive nature. One of the characteristics I like and dislike about myself is that I'm extremely sensitive. Sensitive to body language, expressions, comments, and innuendo.  Combine that with a very observant nature and I'm always trying to read the students for if they're getting it or not, or if they're enjoying themselves or bored or need a break or whatever.  I don't know what that line is of making sure they have a good time and getting the job done.

I can't be less sensitive - it's the nature of the beast. But perhaps I can find a way to cope with it. I accept that they're not all going to want to be there, they're not all going to attend, or participate, or even like me.  That I get...I just need to stop "collecting and analyzing data" when I look at their faces.  Or not stop, but do it less.

I'm so tired and overwhelmed right now.  Hopefully when I get back from my conference things will calm down a little bit.  I do appreciate the challenge and the novelty of teaching. It's apparent after 31 years that I need a lot of action and challenges to stay happy and engaged.  One thing I can say is that I'm definitely engaged right now. I'm so engaged in the work that I'm doing that normal things that I'd mull over just don't fit in after triage. Blessing or curse?

Heartbeats

and the original: