Back to one

It's been a while since I've posted - longer than usual. Same old stuff is happening, work, cooking, climbing... Winter is so grim. It gets dark so early! Depressing.

This week kinda sucked. My visitor took off (which was sad but right), my laptop died, my fridge died, my guest lecturer for my Tuesday night bailed on Monday night and I didn't have time to come up with anything new (I'd squandered movie day the Saturday before...oops), and UC Davis is in the news for the pepper spray incident (which really doesn't affect me that much, but my reaction to it is a little disturbing).

So the first way that I got wind of the pepper spray incident was when the Chancellor wrote an email...I just skimmed it (hadn't watched the viral video yet, though I'd seen it posted a bunch). At first I was like "why didn't the students move when they asked them to?" But then I watched the video, and I still had the "why didn't they move" reaction... but watching the dude pepper spray I was thinking "why did they have to use pepper spray? This seems really fucked up!". But then I though a little more and I thought "why did they have to move in the first place?" The best forum for protest, no matter how stupid you think the issue is (as long as it's not harming anyone) is the University.

I don't know...I'm a little ashamed that at first I wasn't as appalled as I feel like I should have been. It makes me worry that I'm becoming apathetic or desensitized to these things. I really should have felt more initial outrage. One thing that my visitor taught me is that I take a very measured approach to feeling things if I don't have confidence that I know what's really going on. I suppose it's part of the science background, but probably other things too. Who knows.

Career-wise life is great...other than I'm not motivated to do any real work. I ended up canceling class Tuesday rather than busting my ass to come up with something. I know I should have rallied and dealt, but knowing that I'm the boss and I could cancel class and had an out...I guess I just didn't.

Oh yeah and now I have to figure out if I'm going to move out of my house or buy it from my parents. I have to decide by June, which is a lot of time to think about it. I waffle back and forth. I have no debt right now, and assuming debt, even if my parents sell me the house for the cost of the mortgage, is daunting. I'll probably be in Davis another year at least (post-docing, and teaching at the community college)...but then what? I have no idea. I get stressed thinking about it. Being an adult sucks.