This made me laugh...hard

I'm sure that everyone here has received some sort of "X number of ways to make your life better" email from their family (usually these people are over 40). The most annoying thing about these forwards is that it's all about (as I interpret it) accepting the shit that happens to you (i.e. not making a change that maybe you NEED TO MAKE), and having faith in Baby Jesus.

That's why this made me laugh so much: (original link: http://www.kungfugrippe.com/post/374966576/zenzenzenzen)

1. 43 Ways to Simplify your life:
2. 1. Remove your doors
3. 2. Eat half of each pet
4. 3. Sit on a big, thick book
5. 4. Something something keyring holder
6. 5. Paint clocks cheery pink
7. 6. Wear discarded food
8. 7. Makebelieve girlfriend chair
9. 8. Sleep in liquor cabinet
10. 9. Embrace hug love hug meow meow
11. 10. Small room to plan crimes
12. 11. Hack your house key organizer
13. 12. Mail a surprise toaster
14. 13. Just stare more
15. 14. Fourteen
16. 15. Poke holes in paper things
17. 16. Macrame shoelace tree
18. 17. Scrapbook poop and pee
19. 18. Euthanize even faster
20. 19. Amputate favorite limb
21. 20. Pencil shaving gallery
22. 21. Immigrant coat rack
23. 22. Shoebox of dangerous porn
24. 23. Zen unicorn rainbow zen journal
25. 24. Icepick to one good eye
26. 25. Simplify fourteen harder
27. 26. Aluminum foil swan cozy dryer
28. 27. Smell your finger. All of it.
29. 28. Resimplify your simplicity
30. 29. Habitualize your zen
31. 30. Remind your drapes, “I love you, Mrs. Textile”
32. 31. Freeze your clutter
33. 32. Couch fort dinner party
34. 33. Nicene creed robot
35. 34. Only sodomize things that forgive
36. 35. Coaxial sweater vest
37. 36. Transitive verb predicate clause
38. 37. More crying but quieter
39. 38. Inhaler nativity
40. 39. Contact paper taxonomy binder
41. 40. America’s Roast Beef: Yes, Sir
42. 41. Breathe like no one’s dancing
43. 42. Unbridled solo diaper play
44. 43. Illuminated panty shrine

It reminds me of the story John told me where a woman was leaving the Coop in Davis and bit into a carrot and said "THIS CARROT IS NOT ORGANIC! ORGANIC CARROTS TASTE BETTER THAN THIS!"

The people at the Coop went into the back and opened up a box of organic carrots and let her taste one.  She said "well, the other organic carrots tasted better."