oh Sierra!

Today I am back in Davis, which is very sad.  I spent Friday through Monday morning in Tuolumne, which was very happy!

I drove up Friday morning, choosing to go through Markleeville and over Monitor Pass instead of taking 120 through the Valley.  This is partially because they take about the same amount of time, but mostly because I am sick and tired of 120.  Any chance I can get to spend extra time East of the Sierra is always welcome.

I met Drew and his girlfriend Alice at the store around 1:30 and we headed over to Pywiack Dome to toprope Electric Africa, pictured above.  This is not a good warmup for your first route in Tuolumne for the season, but oh well.  Drew was kind enough to hike up and put the rope up, and proceeded to do the usual, which is impress me with his rock climbing abilities.  I don't even care if he's done the route 50 times.  It's still impressive watching him climb Electric Africa.  I flailed around a little bit and decided that this route is hard, but AWESOME!  I definitely want to go back and work it.  Plus, James pinkpointed it which means I have to redpoint it.  He also sent Shadow Warrior, which means I have to send that too.  Dammit.

For 4th of July festivities, Drew, Alice and I commuted down Lee Vining Canyon to the Mobil, where we sat, drank, ate, winced while listening to the band "The Flashbacks" cover lots of old songs...poorly.  The night ended when Drew brought out a giant piece of chocolate cake and more drinks.  Falling asleep was uncomfortable to say the least.

Saturday a bunch of folks went out the South Whiz Dome and Drew once again proved why he is an excellent climbing partner by hanging three topropes:  one on Body Count, one on Blackout (2 pitches with 2 bolts.  whoah.) and Shadow Warrior.  All of these routes are excellent!  I definitely need to work on my knob climbing skills though.  The only send of the day was by John, who dispatched Body Count in the blazing sun.  Pretty proud.  I never got a chance to try Shadow Warrior - it was too hot and the promise of trying Black Angel over by Tenaya Lake lured me away.  Unfortunately Kevin and Townsend wanted to try Death Crack and I ended up waiting by the lake for them to finish so we could go over and try Black Angel.  (I didn't want to try Death Crack...there's something about a splitter roof crack with only #4's and #5's that turns me off...not sure why?)  I probably should have gone up though, because then I would have witnessed Townsend getting his knee stuck in the crack for 15 minutes.  That would have been pretty cool.

Saturday night I hitched a ride to the Mobil again for dinner with John and Shannon.  They had the same band.  John continued to entertain with the side effects of his antibiotics.  blah blah blah.

Sunday was pretty exciting.  Lots of people decided to brave the cross country approach to Pillsbury Dome to try some routes that Drew recommended.  It was about a 2.5 mile approach to the dome, and it was gorgeous.  We barely got lost and spent some time sidetracked by the Tuolumne River:

The day ended up being hot, sunny, long, and awesome.  I finally felt like I had gotten enough climbing done and had remembered how to try hard.  It was a good feeling.

So now that I have gotten back to the high country once, I need to start making goals.  Hiking and climbing goals.  I want to hike up Mt. Dana and do Cloud's Rest.  I also want to send everything that James sent.  Ha!

I think I'll head back up there pretty soon.  The air quality down here in the central valley is pretty grim.  Really hot (over 100 degrees) and really smoky (hazardous air quality ratings).  Plus it sounds like some good people are headed back up there this weekend.

oppression, suppression, repression...progression?

I saw a new neurologist Tuesday morning.  I want to keep my other neurologist, because she is an excellent research scientist, and what people call a "thought leader."  But the new neurologist has a more holistic perspective, with respect to diet, lifestyle...basically anything that makes you...well, you.  I think that the two approaches are complimentary.  

Anyway, I was talking with this new neurologist and he wanted to know everything about possible stresses and trauma in my life.  I would never say that I had a crappy childhood.  I have parents who love me and have provided me with anything I could possibly want or need in life, but shit happens.  My sister was severely anorexic for about 8 or 9 years before dying in a car crash (3 days after 9-11...it was a bad week).  So I told him about that, and then I tried to think of other things.  "Well, I've been in kind of a crappy social situation for about 2, 2 and a half years, but it just ended."  He said " crappy relationships can definitely cause stress and anxiety."  I said "well I was anxious and cared a lot at first, but then it didn't seem so stressful."  Without missing a beat he said "well that's cause you were suppressing it."  I'm like "huh...really?  I've been pretty anxious lately..."  he said "that's cause you're dealing with it and not suppressing it anymore."

What does "dealing with it" mean?  Feeling what you feel?  How do you know when you are suppressing or dealing with something?  Is it all just a load of crap?  I certainly don't think there is any science to this, unless you want to deconstruct emotions into biochemical pathways, but then you miss the gestalt of what it is to be human and to be in distress.  

Upon reflection, I think he might be on to something.  Traci, my sister, was definitely a huge source of conflict in my family while I was growing up.  And you know what?  She lived with us while I was in high school but I have so few memories of her.  So few memories of day to day things...I don't even remember any bigger events.  I barely knew what was going on with her.  Was I suppressing it?  Was that my way of "dealing"?  I've always thought that I just "checked out" during that time and that was my way of dealing with Traci.  But you can never really know.  Maybe I was just busy with my own life.

So is this what I do with situations that are emotionally difficult?  Do I just bury my head in the sand to relieve (or put it away for later) the stress and anxiety associated with something that is hurtful?  The brain is so complicated.  I've realized this more and more lately.  Because it isn't just an organ sitting in your skull.  It is constantly receiving and processing information, and changing as it does so.  The brain is plastic!

At any rate, someone who was once close to me had a coping mechanism of apathy.  Any time anything uncomfortable happened he would say that "he didn't care, he was over it."  Is this the same thing as suppressing?  Just a variation on a flavor?  Vanilla chip rather than vanilla caramel?  What are some other ways of coping?  Alcoh0l?  Marijuana?  Rock climbing?

Klutzy McGee

Well the weekend went by with very little excitement, except for the fact that I sent my first post-dx .12a.  I think it's called Cookie Dough or Cookie Mix or whatever and is a super nice climb at Star Wall at Donner Summit.  In fact, Sunday was the first day that I actually felt like I was climbing well.  Not super strong, but relaxed and confident and smooth.  

Star Wall was also like a mini Jailhouse reunion on Sunday.  Brad, Tony, Pete Lydia, myself and Ross were all there.  John Schmid and Ethan were over at Snowshed, as were Rick and Denise.  I have to say, one of the nicest thing about Jailhouse is the community.  It's amazing how we all stay up on each others' lives.  I think that for the most part, it's pretty cool.  

This morning I did the 30-mile loop again.  Ok, the ride went well and all, but I have a problem.  I had to pee TWICE!  And if you've ever been to Davis, you know that there aren't that many places with good cover to pee.  It's mostly open fields and fruit tree orchards.  On the other hand, I tend to bike a LOT faster when I am actively looking for a place to drop trou.  So it can't be all that bad.

After my bike ride I had an appointment with a hand specialist for physical therapy.  The building was kind of hard to find, and I guess I must have been a little distracted, because I tripped over a curb and fell flat on my ass.  Well, ok, I fell on my palm and elbows, and managed to scrape my foot too.  I can't even remember the last time I klutzed out like that.  If I were watching myself I would have laughed pretty hard, but fortunately no one was watching.

But then I was busted when the hand specialist (Suzanne), was looking at my hands, noticed the bloody palm and said "oh look at your palm!  Is that from climbing?" Unable to think of some cool reason for having a bloody palm I muttered, "um...no I tripped over the curb on the way here."  Embarrassing.  But then she gave me a grip strength test and was highly impressed with my grip strength, so I figure it evens out?

At any rate, she gave me some exercises to do and then said what everyone has said to me before: maybe this will help, maybe it won't.  But hey, I'm willing to try anything...except more acupuncture...that shit HURTS!  

Discoveries: new things and old things

So it is smoky.  Extremely smoky.  Thinking that the smoke was mostly restricted to the valley, I drove up to Tahoe with Kuan to meet Lydia and this other dude to climb at Star wall yesterday.  Well, it was so smoky that we couldn't even see Donner Lake.  It was unbelievable!  And I just read Justin's blog and it's smoky in Yosemite Valley as well.  I talked to my friend Sunshine who lives in Oakland and was driving towards Big Basin.  Yep you guessed it: smoky as hell there too.  You know, I don't mind it too much.  I still climbed yesterday, still did a long bike ride this morning, and I feel fine.  No congestion, no breathing problems.  I guess I'm in the minority though because a lot of people seem to be having trouble.  Oh well, guess I'm lucky in this case.

I discovered a new 30 mile bike loop (I'm sure that everyone who has ever ridden a bike around Davis knows about the beauty of Putah Creek Road, but it was new to me).  Beautiful scenery (through orchards and fields), smooth road, very little traffic.  You can just fly down it.  I want to bike into the coast range at some point next week and do some hills.  Looks like there's a good 40-50 mile loop.  

I also discovered two amazing desserts: Haagen-Dazs chocolate sorbet and coconut sorbet.  They are scrumptious, and you don't feel like you're going to puke up whole cream if you should (ahem) happen to overindulge in things like ice cream.  Of course I up the ante by putting dulce de leche on top. I've always been a toppings kind of girl.

The cool thing about this week is that I've been rediscovering and reconnecting with old friends.  I think I had been "comfortable in my misery" with certain aspects of my life as Kuan astutely pointed out.  When you clear out some of the clutter in life there is more room for new things.

I'll go up to Donner again Sunday and try to redpoint Cookie Mix, which is a fun little route.  Then I'm not so sure what to try next.  At any rate I need to get my ass into the gym to regain lost ground in fitness.  I also started (finally) the IVIG treatment, and I don't feel psychotic afterwards.  So today is over with, and I'll go in Mon-Thurs next week.

By the way, I tried to donate blood the other day and was "deferred" which is a euphemism for "rejected."  Guess they think donating blood will stress an MS patient.  Go figure.  Guess I'll have to be satisfied with donating a bunch of old books and magazines to the infusion center.  I just feel like giving right now...something, anything.

Lyrics

Every now and then I hear a new song and some lyrics get to me.  I'm really feeling these from a song called "On the Radio" by Regina Spektor:

"no this is how it works:

you peer inside yourself

you take the things you like

and try to love the things you took

and then you take that love you made

and stick it into some...

someone else's heart

pumping someone else's blood

and walking arm in arm

you hope it don't get hurt

but even if it does

you'll do it all again."

Could be the way she sings it...reading lyrics is never the same as listening to them sung.

In other news, I biked about 35 miles today and only fell over once!  Good thing I have lots of natural padding on my hips.  I didn't cough up a lung from all of the smoke either.

By the way-thanks for everyone's comments, keep them coming.

Superhero

This is Pete.  Pete has had the nickname "Super Pete" ever since I've met him, which was a few years ago now.  This is because Pete has an indomitable spirit, tons of positivity, and cranks super hard.  I can't even begin to describe how excellent of a rock climber and human being Pete is.

 This Spring Pete had an accident and lost his foot.  Only a few months later he is already walking around and hopping over boulders with his carbon fiber prosthetic so he can come and support his wife Lydia and get out of the house.

Now Pete is a true superhero.  He has handled his injury with grace and a strength that I can only imagine.  He'll be climbing again pretty soon.

I saw Pete for the first time since April yesterday at Donner.  Pete was there spectating and Lydia and I did a little bit of rock climbing.  We started at Snowshed Wall and warmed up on Little Feat and then headed over to Star Wall.  I'd never been to Star Wall since everyone from Sacramento is always going up to Snowshed and staying at Snowshed.  I am sick of Snowshed, but Star Wall is amazing.  What a beautiful wall!  And what a nice place to hang out as well.  I tried Cookie Dough (or Cookie Mix or whatever) which is a .12a over on the left.  I did pretty well up until the small holds, which are difficult to feel right now.  Did all the moves on the first attempt, but I was knackered for the second go.  Oh well, at least I'm climbing again!  It's amazing how happy climbing makes me.  Not only do I get to move my body and be somewhere pretty, but I get to hang out with cool people.  I ran into Cynthia, Paul Crawford and his wife Ella, of course I was with Pete and Lydia, and I finally met Sanam, who I've been hearing about forever.  Hopefully we will climb together soon.

Anyway, I'm so psyched that I am feeling better, am off the steroids, have wonderful friends and family (ok I know I'm being sentimental).  Now if I could only get my Franken-hand back!

new toy.

behold: