Anyway, I was talking with this new neurologist and he wanted to know everything about possible stresses and trauma in my life. I would never say that I had a crappy childhood. I have parents who love me and have provided me with anything I could possibly want or need in life, but shit happens. My sister was severely anorexic for about 8 or 9 years before dying in a car crash (3 days after 9-11...it was a bad week). So I told him about that, and then I tried to think of other things. "Well, I've been in kind of a crappy social situation for about 2, 2 and a half years, but it just ended." He said " crappy relationships can definitely cause stress and anxiety." I said "well I was anxious and cared a lot at first, but then it didn't seem so stressful." Without missing a beat he said "well that's cause you were suppressing it." I'm like "huh...really? I've been pretty anxious lately..." he said "that's cause you're dealing with it and not suppressing it anymore."
What does "dealing with it" mean? Feeling what you feel? How do you know when you are suppressing or dealing with something? Is it all just a load of crap? I certainly don't think there is any science to this, unless you want to deconstruct emotions into biochemical pathways, but then you miss the gestalt of what it is to be human and to be in distress.
Upon reflection, I think he might be on to something. Traci, my sister, was definitely a huge source of conflict in my family while I was growing up. And you know what? She lived with us while I was in high school but I have so few memories of her. So few memories of day to day things...I don't even remember any bigger events. I barely knew what was going on with her. Was I suppressing it? Was that my way of "dealing"? I've always thought that I just "checked out" during that time and that was my way of dealing with Traci. But you can never really know. Maybe I was just busy with my own life.
So is this what I do with situations that are emotionally difficult? Do I just bury my head in the sand to relieve (or put it away for later) the stress and anxiety associated with something that is hurtful? The brain is so complicated. I've realized this more and more lately. Because it isn't just an organ sitting in your skull. It is constantly receiving and processing information, and changing as it does so. The brain is plastic!
At any rate, someone who was once close to me had a coping mechanism of apathy. Any time anything uncomfortable happened he would say that "he didn't care, he was over it." Is this the same thing as suppressing? Just a variation on a flavor? Vanilla chip rather than vanilla caramel? What are some other ways of coping? Alcoh0l? Marijuana? Rock climbing?
7 comments:
Climbing most definitely can be a coping method. So is listening to really loud fast music and screaming...so I've heard.
just curious...whats you're highest vocab level on the free rice web site?
52. But I think they've changed it since then. Who are you?
they can't tell you mandi, they're ninjas. colorado mountain ninjas to be precise.
just to let you know, once again, that i really appreciate your frankness. i generally cope by eating large quantities of chocolate. when john broke up with me, i may or may not have eaten most of a box of see's from my mom. then i lived in my car in the desert for most of a year.
Colorado Mountain Ninjas was my blog that I am to lazy to even start...I'm really just plain ol' Adam. We attempted to hike through the snow North Dome once way back in the day.
that's what I suspected! What is YOUR highest score on freerice?
btw I'm headed to colorado july 22-26. I'll be in Beaver Creek with a friend if you feel like swinging by.
I think my best is only in the mid-forties. If I was smarter, I could help to feed more hungry people.
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