Other teachers get emails too

This one is a hoot. I swear there should be a website devoted to crazy emails that students send their professors. It could be like Cakewrecks or Fmylife or Bad Tattoos. Anyway, strap in for a wondrous ride.

"Hey there,

I am almost certain I have missed a total of 3 class sessions. However I am certain that I have missed valuable discussions. I will keep my explanation as short and sweet as possible. Though there isn't much 'sweetness' rampant in this story.

I've found myself within a cycle I refer to as the 'sticky cycle'. Essentially, it is the increasingly lower rate of ambition and focus brought forth by my seemingly overwhelming use of medicinal cannabis. My insomnia and nicotine addiction is why I originally applied for a cannabis card. However my past ordeals were eventually rekindled and since I'm dealing with marijuana, the term 'sticky cycle' arose. It's both a literal and figurative description.

The interesting part is my thoughts during the time in which I know I could perform substantially higher quantity and quality of work. This thought in itself stresses me out and, for weeks on end, I will smoke, spend much time in nature and ponder on 'life'. I always leave this cycle with a conclusion I have discovered before, however I feel as if an imaginary orb of inspiration falls into my hands. It's quite powerful. However this orb is like ice; if the conditions aren't optimal, it surely will melt. Mine melted quite a while ago. 

I'm somewhat embarrassed to deal with the problems I have created during my sticky cycle, more so intimidated by the amount of work and the possibility of not getting a grade that I wanted, essentially seeing it as a waste of time to study in it's entirety because I won't have been able to understand and apply all the material that I wish to have learned and have a grade that proves so. 

I've decided to block out everything that I can categorize. I have ignored the setting in which I study, learn, converse. I am trying to avoid energy that is like a parasite, only absorbing your energy, if not making it go haywire. I'm trying to make myself learn to be happy again with being able to focus on what I find necessary to be focused on at the moment. But most importantly, I have chosen to go to school, I have chosen to enroll in this course. I have decided, time and time again, that the only approach to this universe if if one decides to be an active, unfettered part of the universe. This is why I am choosing to ignore 'directions', I try to remind myself that wherever I go, I am still 'here'. It's difficult for me to explain, but my psychedillic experience with mushrooms is what led me to this thought (and not to shy away from this email!)

I must thank you for your kindness. Your offer of help was powerful enough for me to write this email so I can remind myself what the heck I'm doing. Thank you! =D"

I get emails

Now that I'm a teacher and people want things from me, I get some interesting emails. Like this one:

Hello, my name is (redacted). I was emailing you to see if you may be ablr to squeeze me into your NATR 300. Class Tuesday and Thursday from 6-8:05pm. If you can it would be greatly appreciated and I promise to catch up the slack instantly. You will not be disappointed. Honestly I didn't plan on taking this class  until next year but 2 classes I was wait listed for rejected me and if I don't find 5 units I will not only lose my financial aid and unemployment. I know that is not your problem but if I don't fill my schedule my daughter and I will both end up homeless. Thank you very much for your time please emcail me back at (redacted) so if you can help me out I can make it to the next scheduled class. 


 and this one:

I'm having trouble keeping up with all the work in this class...Is it assumed
that we will have a lot of access to the intranet and that we wil have a
computer?  Please tell me why there seems to be much more homework in this
class than any other night class I've taken.   Also, Is there some parts of the
homework that is of more importance like the book questions and the essay's or
is the stuff on-line going in the drop box more important? Must we have it all?
If so I will have to drop because I can't keep up with this pace...

Adorable!

I wrote my first email to my students and two have already responded. Check this out:

Wow I am so excited. I have always wanted to work with fish and help sustain them. I am 3 classes from graduation and I feel like I have been waiting my whole life to take this class. and another: Awesome!!! I'm so excited.  This is my first class that is actually toward my major and I'm oozing with enthusiasm. So cute, and it makes me pretty excited. I hope that I can be a good teacher! Oh yeah I sent my project. blah blah blah. I did it 2nd try 2nd day on, which just shows you that I was strong enough but totally botched it the previous like, 7 times.  wtf.