Other teachers get emails too

This one is a hoot. I swear there should be a website devoted to crazy emails that students send their professors. It could be like Cakewrecks or Fmylife or Bad Tattoos. Anyway, strap in for a wondrous ride.

"Hey there,

I am almost certain I have missed a total of 3 class sessions. However I am certain that I have missed valuable discussions. I will keep my explanation as short and sweet as possible. Though there isn't much 'sweetness' rampant in this story.

I've found myself within a cycle I refer to as the 'sticky cycle'. Essentially, it is the increasingly lower rate of ambition and focus brought forth by my seemingly overwhelming use of medicinal cannabis. My insomnia and nicotine addiction is why I originally applied for a cannabis card. However my past ordeals were eventually rekindled and since I'm dealing with marijuana, the term 'sticky cycle' arose. It's both a literal and figurative description.

The interesting part is my thoughts during the time in which I know I could perform substantially higher quantity and quality of work. This thought in itself stresses me out and, for weeks on end, I will smoke, spend much time in nature and ponder on 'life'. I always leave this cycle with a conclusion I have discovered before, however I feel as if an imaginary orb of inspiration falls into my hands. It's quite powerful. However this orb is like ice; if the conditions aren't optimal, it surely will melt. Mine melted quite a while ago. 

I'm somewhat embarrassed to deal with the problems I have created during my sticky cycle, more so intimidated by the amount of work and the possibility of not getting a grade that I wanted, essentially seeing it as a waste of time to study in it's entirety because I won't have been able to understand and apply all the material that I wish to have learned and have a grade that proves so. 

I've decided to block out everything that I can categorize. I have ignored the setting in which I study, learn, converse. I am trying to avoid energy that is like a parasite, only absorbing your energy, if not making it go haywire. I'm trying to make myself learn to be happy again with being able to focus on what I find necessary to be focused on at the moment. But most importantly, I have chosen to go to school, I have chosen to enroll in this course. I have decided, time and time again, that the only approach to this universe if if one decides to be an active, unfettered part of the universe. This is why I am choosing to ignore 'directions', I try to remind myself that wherever I go, I am still 'here'. It's difficult for me to explain, but my psychedillic experience with mushrooms is what led me to this thought (and not to shy away from this email!)

I must thank you for your kindness. Your offer of help was powerful enough for me to write this email so I can remind myself what the heck I'm doing. Thank you! =D"