Klutzy McGee

Well the weekend went by with very little excitement, except for the fact that I sent my first post-dx .12a.  I think it's called Cookie Dough or Cookie Mix or whatever and is a super nice climb at Star Wall at Donner Summit.  In fact, Sunday was the first day that I actually felt like I was climbing well.  Not super strong, but relaxed and confident and smooth.  

Star Wall was also like a mini Jailhouse reunion on Sunday.  Brad, Tony, Pete Lydia, myself and Ross were all there.  John Schmid and Ethan were over at Snowshed, as were Rick and Denise.  I have to say, one of the nicest thing about Jailhouse is the community.  It's amazing how we all stay up on each others' lives.  I think that for the most part, it's pretty cool.  

This morning I did the 30-mile loop again.  Ok, the ride went well and all, but I have a problem.  I had to pee TWICE!  And if you've ever been to Davis, you know that there aren't that many places with good cover to pee.  It's mostly open fields and fruit tree orchards.  On the other hand, I tend to bike a LOT faster when I am actively looking for a place to drop trou.  So it can't be all that bad.

After my bike ride I had an appointment with a hand specialist for physical therapy.  The building was kind of hard to find, and I guess I must have been a little distracted, because I tripped over a curb and fell flat on my ass.  Well, ok, I fell on my palm and elbows, and managed to scrape my foot too.  I can't even remember the last time I klutzed out like that.  If I were watching myself I would have laughed pretty hard, but fortunately no one was watching.

But then I was busted when the hand specialist (Suzanne), was looking at my hands, noticed the bloody palm and said "oh look at your palm!  Is that from climbing?" Unable to think of some cool reason for having a bloody palm I muttered, "um...no I tripped over the curb on the way here."  Embarrassing.  But then she gave me a grip strength test and was highly impressed with my grip strength, so I figure it evens out?

At any rate, she gave me some exercises to do and then said what everyone has said to me before: maybe this will help, maybe it won't.  But hey, I'm willing to try anything...except more acupuncture...that shit HURTS!  

Discoveries: new things and old things

So it is smoky.  Extremely smoky.  Thinking that the smoke was mostly restricted to the valley, I drove up to Tahoe with Kuan to meet Lydia and this other dude to climb at Star wall yesterday.  Well, it was so smoky that we couldn't even see Donner Lake.  It was unbelievable!  And I just read Justin's blog and it's smoky in Yosemite Valley as well.  I talked to my friend Sunshine who lives in Oakland and was driving towards Big Basin.  Yep you guessed it: smoky as hell there too.  You know, I don't mind it too much.  I still climbed yesterday, still did a long bike ride this morning, and I feel fine.  No congestion, no breathing problems.  I guess I'm in the minority though because a lot of people seem to be having trouble.  Oh well, guess I'm lucky in this case.

I discovered a new 30 mile bike loop (I'm sure that everyone who has ever ridden a bike around Davis knows about the beauty of Putah Creek Road, but it was new to me).  Beautiful scenery (through orchards and fields), smooth road, very little traffic.  You can just fly down it.  I want to bike into the coast range at some point next week and do some hills.  Looks like there's a good 40-50 mile loop.  

I also discovered two amazing desserts: Haagen-Dazs chocolate sorbet and coconut sorbet.  They are scrumptious, and you don't feel like you're going to puke up whole cream if you should (ahem) happen to overindulge in things like ice cream.  Of course I up the ante by putting dulce de leche on top. I've always been a toppings kind of girl.

The cool thing about this week is that I've been rediscovering and reconnecting with old friends.  I think I had been "comfortable in my misery" with certain aspects of my life as Kuan astutely pointed out.  When you clear out some of the clutter in life there is more room for new things.

I'll go up to Donner again Sunday and try to redpoint Cookie Mix, which is a fun little route.  Then I'm not so sure what to try next.  At any rate I need to get my ass into the gym to regain lost ground in fitness.  I also started (finally) the IVIG treatment, and I don't feel psychotic afterwards.  So today is over with, and I'll go in Mon-Thurs next week.

By the way, I tried to donate blood the other day and was "deferred" which is a euphemism for "rejected."  Guess they think donating blood will stress an MS patient.  Go figure.  Guess I'll have to be satisfied with donating a bunch of old books and magazines to the infusion center.  I just feel like giving right now...something, anything.

Lyrics

Every now and then I hear a new song and some lyrics get to me.  I'm really feeling these from a song called "On the Radio" by Regina Spektor:

"no this is how it works:

you peer inside yourself

you take the things you like

and try to love the things you took

and then you take that love you made

and stick it into some...

someone else's heart

pumping someone else's blood

and walking arm in arm

you hope it don't get hurt

but even if it does

you'll do it all again."

Could be the way she sings it...reading lyrics is never the same as listening to them sung.

In other news, I biked about 35 miles today and only fell over once!  Good thing I have lots of natural padding on my hips.  I didn't cough up a lung from all of the smoke either.

By the way-thanks for everyone's comments, keep them coming.

Superhero

This is Pete.  Pete has had the nickname "Super Pete" ever since I've met him, which was a few years ago now.  This is because Pete has an indomitable spirit, tons of positivity, and cranks super hard.  I can't even begin to describe how excellent of a rock climber and human being Pete is.

 This Spring Pete had an accident and lost his foot.  Only a few months later he is already walking around and hopping over boulders with his carbon fiber prosthetic so he can come and support his wife Lydia and get out of the house.

Now Pete is a true superhero.  He has handled his injury with grace and a strength that I can only imagine.  He'll be climbing again pretty soon.

I saw Pete for the first time since April yesterday at Donner.  Pete was there spectating and Lydia and I did a little bit of rock climbing.  We started at Snowshed Wall and warmed up on Little Feat and then headed over to Star Wall.  I'd never been to Star Wall since everyone from Sacramento is always going up to Snowshed and staying at Snowshed.  I am sick of Snowshed, but Star Wall is amazing.  What a beautiful wall!  And what a nice place to hang out as well.  I tried Cookie Dough (or Cookie Mix or whatever) which is a .12a over on the left.  I did pretty well up until the small holds, which are difficult to feel right now.  Did all the moves on the first attempt, but I was knackered for the second go.  Oh well, at least I'm climbing again!  It's amazing how happy climbing makes me.  Not only do I get to move my body and be somewhere pretty, but I get to hang out with cool people.  I ran into Cynthia, Paul Crawford and his wife Ella, of course I was with Pete and Lydia, and I finally met Sanam, who I've been hearing about forever.  Hopefully we will climb together soon.

Anyway, I'm so psyched that I am feeling better, am off the steroids, have wonderful friends and family (ok I know I'm being sentimental).  Now if I could only get my Franken-hand back!

new toy.

behold:

checked out.

No, not that kind of checked out.  It's been a while since that has happened.  I mean checked out of life.  And then checking back in.  Realizing all of a sudden that you haven't really been aware of what is going on with yourself, with the world around you, and most distressingly, the people you care about the most.  And you realize that some of the people you care about really don't care about you that much, and conversely, some people have given you way more than you have given them.

So how to right the balance?  I really wish I knew.  People are flawed, I am flawed.  I wonder how many treadmills I have been running on, trying to push through and ultimately going nowhere.  I know I'm not alone.  Attachments, habits, addictions - we all have them.  Sometimes it really bothers me, and sometimes I couldn't care less.  I think that might be what is hard about changing some things - there's no consistency in the "bad" of a lot of things that are not good for us.

Not to geek out on everyone, but genes are like this as well - some of them are only mildly "bad" for you...or they are only bad in certain combinations with certain environmental factors or certain other genes.  It's the combination that causes the trouble, and the trouble itself ranges from not-so-bad to whole system failure.

Ok so that analogy might be taking it a little far, but my point is that some bad situations just aren't bad enough for you to be motivated to change, or are only bad in certain circumstances or when certain things are happening in your life, or some of them weren't bad, get bad, get sort of better, etc.  Or maybe we just get complacent and have bad habits because we are lazy.  Or maybe we were doing the right thing all along and it will turn out alright in the end.  So how do you know what to do? How do you know what to care about?  What to strive for? What to excise and what to add?

There's all sorts of hippy-dippy shit out there that people will tell you about "listening to your heart" or "feeling what you are going to feel," but what if your heart is wrong, and your feelings are wrong?  How do we know? Is it even possible for feelings to be "wrong"?  Hell I don't know.  I've definitely been told that the way I feel is bad or stupid or wrong.   I think we all have.  It never feels good, and then you wonder if there's something wrong with you, when chances are it's the other person who has troubles.  (Why are they spending time telling you that your feelings are wrong in the first place? Don't they have better things to do?)   Sure makes you feel like shit though.

OK, if you've made it this far, I applaud you.  

Bad bad person

Ok so I officially am a bad person. I didn't realize that so many people read this blog. I'm still a little in denial, because who would care about what I'm doing and what I think or feel?

At any rate, I am somewhwat ashamed of myself for the mean things I have said, and I apologize to any who I have offended.