I really enjoyed this video...great views of the octopus towards the end...clinging to speargun after stealing a diver's camera and recording itself. So cute!
Here's a link to a NYT piece on why educated people curse:
http://roomfordebate.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/04/12/why-do-educated-people-use-bad-words/
I find this interesting because, by most measures I am educated, and I definitely curse (I always say I'm trying to stop).
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
oh boy. I'm excited to put this week behind me.
This week has been busy. Yesterday I met up with James at the GW and got a good, though short day in. I did the only 5.11 left at the wall which I hadn't done, Claim Jumper. The only explanation I have for why it took so long is that there are no fixed draws, and I am a lazy girl.
Monday and Tuesday I was working in Sacramento. I got some samples in the mail that need to be processed in another lab, which I've never been to. I need to get the goddamn freezer in the mainlab fixed, so I have to call the freezer people. Who the freezer people are, I'm not sure. However I have this vision of oompa loompas coming in and doing a bunch of weird shit, singing a song, and then leaving after fixing the freezer. That would be excellent.
I also made a movie about Jailhouse, inspired be the new school tradster video:
Monday and Tuesday I was working in Sacramento. I got some samples in the mail that need to be processed in another lab, which I've never been to. I need to get the goddamn freezer in the mainlab fixed, so I have to call the freezer people. Who the freezer people are, I'm not sure. However I have this vision of oompa loompas coming in and doing a bunch of weird shit, singing a song, and then leaving after fixing the freezer. That would be excellent.
I also made a movie about Jailhouse, inspired be the new school tradster video:
Maki came last night, and she's going to spend part of the weekend with me. We'll probably go sport climbing. She's never been to the Gold Wall, so why not check it out? I think this may be one of my last weekends there. I'd like to start going to Donner...get a little elevation under me.
The most exciting thing (other than making kale chips for the first time) is that I bought a plane ticket to Denver next week. I'm going to spend a few days in Boulder hanging out with a good friend of mine (Cass) and climbing with Joe. I also located my guidebook to Rodellar in Boulder, so I'll grab that as well. There are other people who I'd like to see in Boulder, but I have a feeling I'll be pretty overwhelmed. I'd much rather spend quality time with a few people than see a whole bunch for just a few minutes.
I want to check out the city to see if I'd like to move there. Casey might be there too, and I'd like to see her. She is part of my inspiration for getting out of Davis. I'd like to leave a lot of things behind in California, though I do love it. We have a history, this state and I.
I'm getting very restless these days.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Climbing trip!
I want to go on a trip. I'm thinking about going back to Spain for 2 weeks or so. Woo! I looked for my guide to Rodellar today but realized that I left it behind when I left Spain the the Fall. So sad. That book sucked.
I'd actually like to check out some of the other crags...we'll see if Spain happens. I'd like to go to the Red, and Smith and some other places as well. There's a chance I'll go somewhere with Ethan for a few days. I only have to be in Davis on Monday and Tuesday, and other than that I'm pretty much a free agent as long as I get my shit done at work. Spending 12 hours a week in a cubicle in Sacramento is definitely NOT helping me get my shit done, but it is indirectly helping me get to Spain by giving some love to my bank account.
Dude. by the way. The supreme court justice is NINETY! That's too old to think. I can't say I'm sorry to see a 90 year old step down. That is OLD.
OK back to climbing. Hopefully GW on Thursday with James, and then Maki is coming to stay with me Thursday night and we're going to go to GW on Sat/Sun. I want to finish Hippy Speedball and try another 13. Death Valley won't work out this weekend. Apparently there's a shitload of snow up on Telescope anyway and I have no skis.
In other exciting news Dr. Rob is going to come and visit next week. I miss that guy. He is a wonderful friend and I've missed him since he moved to Colorado. Sushi and catching up is definitely on the agenda.
Exciting things!
I'd actually like to check out some of the other crags...we'll see if Spain happens. I'd like to go to the Red, and Smith and some other places as well. There's a chance I'll go somewhere with Ethan for a few days. I only have to be in Davis on Monday and Tuesday, and other than that I'm pretty much a free agent as long as I get my shit done at work. Spending 12 hours a week in a cubicle in Sacramento is definitely NOT helping me get my shit done, but it is indirectly helping me get to Spain by giving some love to my bank account.
Dude. by the way. The supreme court justice is NINETY! That's too old to think. I can't say I'm sorry to see a 90 year old step down. That is OLD.
OK back to climbing. Hopefully GW on Thursday with James, and then Maki is coming to stay with me Thursday night and we're going to go to GW on Sat/Sun. I want to finish Hippy Speedball and try another 13. Death Valley won't work out this weekend. Apparently there's a shitload of snow up on Telescope anyway and I have no skis.
In other exciting news Dr. Rob is going to come and visit next week. I miss that guy. He is a wonderful friend and I've missed him since he moved to Colorado. Sushi and catching up is definitely on the agenda.
Exciting things!
Monday, April 12, 2010
and so it goes until it goes no further
There are so many studies about emotions and evolution, emotions and neuroscience, emotions and whatever the heck.
When I feel my heart breaking, all I want to do is hide from myself. But there's nowhere to go. I'd say there's nowhere to go but forward, but that's definitely not true. You can definitely go backwards. I suppose the only time I ever felt my heart truly break was when I found out that Traci had died. I can understand why the heart is associated with love and pain and all the agony and all of the ecstasy. When your heart breaks, it hurts...in your heart.
And in a way it's very much like a physical injury. It takes a lot of time to heal, and you are going to be worried about testing it again, and going out there with a weakened heart and making it worse.
I wonder if some people are born with stronger hearts than others. Or if one can make their heart stronger through some sort of effort. Or if it will get stronger on its own without any effort whatsoever. I don't know. Surely there are different degrees of fracture.
When I think about how broken my heart feels sometimes, and I know that as I go on in life, loss is inevitable...sometimes it's hard to even want to try. And of course, blah blah blah happy times and blah blah blah. But still. Just the very knowledge that I'm capable of feeling this bad and this broken scares the shit out of me. There's no way of preventing it...at least not for me. I'm terrible at pretending I'm ok. And mostly I'm proud of that. It takes a lot more strength to admit when you are not ok than to pretend that everything is peachy.
Sometimes I really miss her. There are some things that only a sister would understand. I'm not sure if never having one is better than having one and losing her. I miss her when I see other people hang out with their sisters. Even if in reality she was so sick that hanging out with her was very hard, I suppose at least there was the option, and always the hope that she'd get better.
So I don't really know what this post is about. I'm thinking about one situation and writing about another. And that's fine. People who know me know that I'm writing in layers about several different things. But isn't that how it always is?
Actually maybe not, and maybe it's a mistake to make that assumption. Assigning real value to something that should be taken at face-value.
What I do know is that I'm not gentle with myself. So fucking hard to stop blaming myself for everything, and taking everything on. Someone tells me that I suck and I believe them. Questioning their judgement is an afterthought. First I have to check myself to see if I've been shot, and where the damage is. What if I really do suck? And even though it doesn't matter, it's just heinous. Letting go of someone else's judgement oddly difficult. Why don't I trust myself? Why would I trust someone else before I would trust myself? No clue. Actually, it's only hard to write someone off if you've made the leap of faith to trust them in the first place. Losing that trust is really effing hard. You have to admit that you made an error in judgement and then reevaluate everything. And even then you know that it's so much more complicated than you wish it was. All efforts to find simple reason and rationale are going to fail. And that sucks. Accepting the complication and shades of gray is much harder than making sweeping proclamations about the way things are. Placing things into fixed categories is often a symptom of youth.
I'll never have it figured out. God that's depressing.
But the sky was beautiful tonight.
When I feel my heart breaking, all I want to do is hide from myself. But there's nowhere to go. I'd say there's nowhere to go but forward, but that's definitely not true. You can definitely go backwards. I suppose the only time I ever felt my heart truly break was when I found out that Traci had died. I can understand why the heart is associated with love and pain and all the agony and all of the ecstasy. When your heart breaks, it hurts...in your heart.
And in a way it's very much like a physical injury. It takes a lot of time to heal, and you are going to be worried about testing it again, and going out there with a weakened heart and making it worse.
I wonder if some people are born with stronger hearts than others. Or if one can make their heart stronger through some sort of effort. Or if it will get stronger on its own without any effort whatsoever. I don't know. Surely there are different degrees of fracture.
When I think about how broken my heart feels sometimes, and I know that as I go on in life, loss is inevitable...sometimes it's hard to even want to try. And of course, blah blah blah happy times and blah blah blah. But still. Just the very knowledge that I'm capable of feeling this bad and this broken scares the shit out of me. There's no way of preventing it...at least not for me. I'm terrible at pretending I'm ok. And mostly I'm proud of that. It takes a lot more strength to admit when you are not ok than to pretend that everything is peachy.
Sometimes I really miss her. There are some things that only a sister would understand. I'm not sure if never having one is better than having one and losing her. I miss her when I see other people hang out with their sisters. Even if in reality she was so sick that hanging out with her was very hard, I suppose at least there was the option, and always the hope that she'd get better.
So I don't really know what this post is about. I'm thinking about one situation and writing about another. And that's fine. People who know me know that I'm writing in layers about several different things. But isn't that how it always is?
Actually maybe not, and maybe it's a mistake to make that assumption. Assigning real value to something that should be taken at face-value.
What I do know is that I'm not gentle with myself. So fucking hard to stop blaming myself for everything, and taking everything on. Someone tells me that I suck and I believe them. Questioning their judgement is an afterthought. First I have to check myself to see if I've been shot, and where the damage is. What if I really do suck? And even though it doesn't matter, it's just heinous. Letting go of someone else's judgement oddly difficult. Why don't I trust myself? Why would I trust someone else before I would trust myself? No clue. Actually, it's only hard to write someone off if you've made the leap of faith to trust them in the first place. Losing that trust is really effing hard. You have to admit that you made an error in judgement and then reevaluate everything. And even then you know that it's so much more complicated than you wish it was. All efforts to find simple reason and rationale are going to fail. And that sucks. Accepting the complication and shades of gray is much harder than making sweeping proclamations about the way things are. Placing things into fixed categories is often a symptom of youth.
I'll never have it figured out. God that's depressing.
But the sky was beautiful tonight.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
I like this.
Oh how significant we are
Just to keep things in perspective.
Heading to Gold Wall tomorrow - hopefully it won't be too wet, too crowded or too hot. Gold wall is sort of feast or famine. It's really fucking cold, and then really fucking hot. Rarely are there perfect temperatures. Waaah.
Next week I think I'll head to Bishop to climb in the gorge, and then hike up Telescope Peak in Death Valley with Maki (if it all works out). And we are going to botanize together! Spring wildflowers!
Monday I'm doing a site visit for a new species I'm writing a recovery plan for in Contra Costa county. It's an endangered Clarkia.
Why is it that I only work with extremely small populations and endangered or threatened species? I haven't actually chosen my species, it's just worked out that way. I feel like the angel of death or something. No wonder I get depressed about conservation. Sheesh.
Finally, "Everything is amazing right now, and nobody's happy."
Just to keep things in perspective.
Heading to Gold Wall tomorrow - hopefully it won't be too wet, too crowded or too hot. Gold wall is sort of feast or famine. It's really fucking cold, and then really fucking hot. Rarely are there perfect temperatures. Waaah.
Next week I think I'll head to Bishop to climb in the gorge, and then hike up Telescope Peak in Death Valley with Maki (if it all works out). And we are going to botanize together! Spring wildflowers!
Monday I'm doing a site visit for a new species I'm writing a recovery plan for in Contra Costa county. It's an endangered Clarkia.
Why is it that I only work with extremely small populations and endangered or threatened species? I haven't actually chosen my species, it's just worked out that way. I feel like the angel of death or something. No wonder I get depressed about conservation. Sheesh.
Finally, "Everything is amazing right now, and nobody's happy."
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