It's comforting to know that people don't change

I went to Jailhouse for the first time in a while yesterday. I had a pretty good day, considering I hadn't been there in a year.  I did the warmup, went up Whipping Boy, then Electric Chair twice, followed by Soap.  Granted I only did the warmup clean, but shit I don't know the moves on Whipping boy, I was learning electric chair, and I'd never expect to do Soap clean at the end of the day.  All in all it was pretty productive and I was able to maintain psych.

I'd like to start going again. I had a great time with Dan, who is one of the most positive people I know.  He does a way better job of getting me and spinning the negative in a positive light than I do.  For that I'm grateful. Sometimes it can feel pretty lonely out here.

I tend towards nihilism, because all of the time I see douchebags who have good things happen to them, and really good people who have bad things happen to them. I don't believe there's any greater purpose to this disparity, simply chance and luck. So I try to be a "good" person only so I can sleep better at night. And maybe a tiny part of me hopes that it will pay off and good things will happen. Okay maybe a big part.

Some news came my way of a person in my past repeating mistakes.  In a way it's somewhat comforting to know that people don't miraculously change, in another way it's depressing. The best thing to do seems to be to vet people on the front end before you let them get close. Of course this is an unsustainable policy. But it's better than bouncing around like a douchebag and dragging people with you because you don't stop to think about how your actions affect other people. In my experience, and from what I've observed, this is how most people operate; I don't blame them, because it's way easier that way. I'm not sure I'd wish this acute consciousness on my worst enemy.

One of the biggest reasons for all the strife in the world has got to be that people can't understand what it's like to not be themselves.  I'm guilty of this: I tend to imbue others with some of my traits (especially thoughtfulness) and "fill in the blanks" so to speak.  I just assume that people think the way that I think, or need what I need, etc. Then I end up delusional and thinking people are different than how they really are. For better or worse.

Bjorn had a good suggestion: find people who are better to self-delude yourself about.