Givers and Takers

I'm not even sure how to begin this post. I've had some thoughts fluttering around my brain lately and the best I can do is to say that they involve giving and taking.

I'm don't know if I'd call myself a very giving person, but I do like to do things for my friends. I like doing those things - making cookies, taking people out to dinner, whatever. It makes me happy to do things for the people I care about. I've often wondered if I'm really a giving person if I derive pleasure out of the giving - doesn't that actually make me selfish? I've thought about this for years and decided no. The gain the receiver gets from the gift is only doubled when it makes the giver happy too - not cancelled out.

On the other hand, I find that derailed friendships often involve me inevitably feeling like I'm getting nothing in return for the effort I put in...so does that mean that there really is a price to the energy I give? Hard to say. I never intend for that to happen - it's not planned. What I can say is that resources are limited, so even though you enjoy doing things for others, you've got to do the best you can to invest those resources wisely.

Then there are those who take, and will always find people to take from. I can't figure out how a relationship between two takers works...someone must inevitably give. In my parents, it's my Mom who give and my Dad who takes. At this point, that's what works for them, so to say "giver" and "taker" seems way too simplified. My dad gives by receiving, and my mother receives by giving. They are basically one unit.

I've found myself involved with takers...or people who give just enough to keep you on the hook. They are awesome to be around sometimes, so awesome that it eclipses the rest of the picture and blinds you to reality. As my friend Kat says "The takers will destroy the givers."

I have some friends who give so much that I feel bad about it - I feel bad for talking their ear off about boring stuff that bothers me, or asking for things...I feel like I can never give enough back to those people. But they are still there and I love them for it. I can only try to give back to those people - or to be there when they need me.

The final point is that I know I'm hard to get to know. I'm liberal with new people about personal information - I don't have a whole lot of shame.  But actually devoting time to new people is tough. I should try to be better about that. But should you give a little to a lot of people who aren't close or a lot to a couple of very very close friends?